muse

void deck
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2005-09-30 09:03:27 (UTC)

lack of insights

feeling sad after getting back my first lit paper. got a
measly B- for it. I know it does not really matter because I
S/Ued that module and yet i cannot help but feeling sad over
it.

i want to be able to write a paper which I am proud about.
something so mind-boggling that it will be a joy for my
reader. and my paper 2 will be due soon. i really need to
get a storm of ideas now. will be writing on The Remains of
the Day. sigh... really, really need a revelation now or an
epiphany.

erick erick erick. i have not seen him at all for this week.
miss him so much. he did not go for any lectures that we
were supposed to be.

sigh. i miss him.

i don't know. i guess i like this feeling of liking someone
so much and yet unrequited.

saw dennis as i walked to the deck today. i can see a change
of attitude towards me. cold and distant. i know this is for
the better. i leave no question mark to him. i believe he
has taken the hint, albeit in a hard way. i feel bad. and i
feel sorry for him. yet i know if i don't do this, things
will get even more complicated and i will end up not doing
him any justice. there is no way i could like him. and i
should not waste his precious time. i believe there is
someone out there that is meant for him. not me, definitely
not me.

for the time being, i could not think about any other guy in
a special way. only erick. even if he has always hurt me.
it's ok.

i will never be ready for any relationship. i'm really not a
relationship kind of girl, i realise.

life's now is empty. yet i could see no alternatives to it.


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