Landslide

Let's see how long this lasts
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2005-09-29 03:35:57 (UTC)

Thinking about the men in my life....

Kevin: I can tell he likes me and has for a while. He's
such a wonderful guy. He loves God, but Mormon is very
different from what I'm into. He always gives me good
advice. He helped me so much with my thinking about jon.
He's the one who finally made me realize the truth, not
that anyone was lying to me besides myself. He called me
the other night because he didn't see me, but today he
didn't talk to me hardly at all. I don't know, but he's
really sweet. I'm not attracted to him, but love hanging
out with him or watching Family Guy.

Kyle: Last year we always smiled at each other in band
ect. He would always high five my cymbal before pre-
game. I dont' know why, but I really looked foward to him
coming back this year. We casually went out a couple of
weekends ago and had fun but there was no chemistry by any
means. In fact, I'm not even sure if he had fun. I know
I looked hott, and I usually won't say that. His beliefs
are so on line with mine, and that's really cool. He's
too Northern for me though. I hope everything works out
for him the way he wants; the kid's got potential and a
good heart. Went to church with him on Sunday. It was
very encouraging.

Scott: Where the hell did this guy come from? I swear
this is the weirdest thing. I went to GSP with this guy
and he followed me around everywhere and I was HORRIBLE to
him. I was dating Jacob, and he didn't seem to understand
that, so I would rub it in his face. For example I made
him look at tons of pictures of him that I had from home.
I felt bad about it, but we all know how heartless I am
when it comes to guys. When I make up my mind, its
curtains for you, buddy...anyway... so I sitting in my
social problems class and who should be the only person I
know in the class the first day besides him. AWKWARD!
Over the 2 years we haven't seen each other he had joined
the marines and he gave me his number the otherday on my
notes. He's a really good guy. Once again, not my type,
but a great friend asset.

Nick: I'm really worried about this one. He's AWESOME
friend material. I love spending time with him. He's a
history major so we have tons to talk about, but he's
obviously got it bad for me. I don't want to ruin
everything, but I don't want to date anyone right now.
I'm not attracted to him like he's attracted to me, and
that's a horrible feeling. We went to the zoo, and it was
a blast. I just don't know what to do. He showers me in
compliments constantly. That really bothers me. I tend
to doubt excessive compliments. Plus, some of his
opionions seem to change when i hint at disagreement; that
really makes me wary. Weird. Wonderful guy. His lack of
religious beliefs cause a problem for me. I think one
should be very careful in dating. Would I want to marry
someone who didn't believe in God?...

Dustin: Oh those eyes. He'll be a good catch once he's
grown up. He's just a kid right now. We'll see where
that one goes later, but at the time I have no desire to
be anything more than flirty with him. Luckily we're far
apart and I don't have to deal with that problem very
often. If he comes to Boyce for college, interesting
things could happen. If not, nothing probably ever will.

Cody: I wonder what he's doing now. I worry about him a
lot. If he would just stop trying to be like his brothers
and be himself, he would be a lot better off. I love
hanging out with him when I'm home because we love the
same kind of music. He's the only person I know my age
that would appreciate going to Tadpoles with me. After
all, I was supposed to marry this one. It was kind of
arranged. If he would just go back to school or get
involved in a really good band. He's SOOOO talented. I
love to hear him sing Rose Colored Glasses and the like.

Tex: Over the past few weeks, I have grown to really care
for this odd character. If could I would be infatuated
with him, but that would be one hopeless endevor if there
ever was one. I'm too goody goody for him and he like a
alcohol a little to much for it to be beneficial to me.
In other words, I could have my first bad boy crush on my
hands if I weren't as logical as I am. I know better.
Nonetheless, we make great friends. I love having him
around. He doesn't judge me for my "good"ness. He
listens to me. That's really cool.

Phil: My mentioning him is really weird, but he is on my
mind a lot. So many people have tried to push us at each
other. I don't want them to do that. I do kind of like
him though. Actually I like him more and more every day.
He's soooo nice to everyone. Such a good heart and a good
christian guy at that. Today he didnt' talk to me when he
was standing right in front of me and it broke my heart.
He doesn't even notice I exist and Andrew says he worships
Dr. Speck's daughter. Too bad I guess. I guess its
similar to Ryan Harvey who I also had i thing for. He's
got a girlfriend at Murray...I guess the good ones are
taken.

Jacob: I know Jacob isn't really in my life anymore, but
I worry about him. I broke that kid. I never intended
to, but I couldn't compromise myself for him any longer.
I broke free and went away for school. Sometimes you just
have to do whats best for you. I'm sorry Jacob. I wish
we could see each other. It will never be possible cause
I hurt you too badly.

Jon: This one's the kicker. I don't even know where to
start. I was really pissed at him for a long time and he
didn't even notice. I began to think that he only viewed
me as his whore. In fact I remember one night he was
going out to some party and I asked him if he wanted to
spend the night and he said if he didn't pick up any hoes
at the dance he would... what does that imply? I mean, he
just viewed me as a friend, but I saw him as more. Yes he
was my best friend (I don't know how that's gonna turn
out...I'll get to that) but I wouldn't have made out with
whitney, if that makes any sense. I saw him as the guy
who I loved but didn't want to trap with titles and such
as the royally freak him out. I mean he said he could see
himself marrying me in the future this summer. Now I know
he didn't mean anytime soon and obviously wasn't too
serious about it, but I agreed with the statement. I
could see us working very well as a couple in the future,
but I just don't know. I feel so foolish that I placed so
much value in the time I spent with him, when he didn't.
It's not his fault. It's mine cause I'm too stupid to
realize when someone doesn't care in that way, I guess I
just thought that we were more that just best friends
since I place value in any physical contact with a guy.
I'm not easy by any means. So I decided I was being taken
for granted and would let him be the initiator of our
friendship. If he wanted to talk, he could call. If he
wanted to hang out, we would.... and he didn't call for
like a week, and when he did, it was to tell me he was
seeing another girl. What the hell?I don't know. I just
don't understand what's different. I know he's doing the
same things with her that we were doing just a couple of
weeks before... they're "seeing" each other... I don't
know I'm just confused, but I'mNOT a whore. and if he
were my best friend, why did it take him almost another
week to call me again.... I don't understand you jon. I
love you to pieces, but sometimes you confuse the hell out
of me. It's not your fault. I miss your friendship, I
just don't understand what exactly happened or what I
was. I feel so cheap. I don't know. you've changed. I
don't know if I'm cool enough for you now, you may have
outgrown me. its the hairgel that scares me. I'm so
proud of you though. You're doing exactly what you need
to be doing. exactly what you want... Don't worry about
me, you've caused me no problems. If I hadn't let my
emotions muddle my thinking there would be no problem... I
shall now become mary poppins... I don't know how to say
what I think..

Bleh....this isn't every one but this has helped me
think...


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