Amnesia

NOTE WORTHY...

Always make the audience suffer as much as possible.
Alfred Hitchcock

Blondes make the best victims. They're like virgin snow
that shows up the bloody footprints.
Alfred Hitchcock

New developments on (BOB) soon... Here they are...

He's so sweet, but (gosh do I want to play guitar right
now...) he's also silly. Which isn't a bad thing. Silly is
nice, keeps you laughing, and one of us has to have a
sense of humor. He's sweet and attractive, that's hard to
come by.

So last night he called me again, and the word serious
came up. He said it. I figure, I don't wanna play dumb and
I want him to know that I'm not really feeling him that
way, so I had him go off on that. Told him that I don't
see him being serious, just sweet and silly which isn't
bad, but it gets stale. In order to have anything with me,
in order for a person to hold my interest, they need to be
able to be serious, to have deep thoughts and such.

So he started saying that he does get silly when he's
nervous. He got a lot more personal afterwards. We talked
for two hours. He told me that he's not ready for anything
serious right now. I thought, what? Serious? I don't like
him that much. It could go there but so far I don't know
and it ain't looking like it. He's been hurt before...
He's been engaged before. He's 20. Wow.

He told me how much my friendship means to him. I had no
idea how much he likes talking to me. I felt all too
special when he told me that. I can't believe I had such a
big impact on him. Basically he told me that it's hard for
him to open up to people and that he could to me. So that
was amazing. We decided to stay friends. This is
wonderful. I still have a great friend who strives for
self improvement alot... likes me alot.. I mean...

Sometimes it seems as though my friends don't care about
me as much as I'd like them to. I'm not saying that they
should all care about me like this guy, but at some
instances I feel as though if I leave it's not gonna make
an impact, and it's not gonna matter. Often times when we
are in Eric's house that occured. After dnd alot. When I
suggested places to go and things to do... often I felt
like it just doesn't matter much.

But this guy, he's like a friend and a half. One I can see
myself having a good connection with. Like hugging each
other not just out of hello and good-bye but because I
want to hold him close and because we care about each
other... it's nothing gigantic, but it's true emotion.

Perhaps I'm embelishing things a bit. I feel like writing
some things into the computer from my journals.

We saw the Battle Over Citizen Kane in Film Lit class
today. Freightened me a bit, but mostly inspired me. I
don't feel like doing my homework. I figure I don't have
enough pressure for it, besides, I had a bad set up for
it. Had I made my own lunch and went to the library
straight after class I would have gotten some of that
stuff done, but I was hungry, haven't eaten for 6 hours,
so I came home, and it was hard to leave, so might as well
do this, and leave all that for tomorrow. Since it will be
a neccessity more like thing tomorrow. I rather go for
some coffee with someone right now, but no one there.

Or rather, maybe I should just go to sleep, and wake up
later. Do my homework and such at night, go to class in
the morning and do more homework followed by hitting the
hay. (Rather no, but the idea is nice ain't it?)

Maybe things would be different if I had my own place, I'd
just have people over, there would be none of that
pressure at home. None of this bad vibe thing going on. No
black hole effect... I'm alone now, I feel better, my
dad's gone, and my cat barfed on my bed 3 days ago, that's
all cleaned up now, and my room is completely clean. I
feel rosy... Ciao