Trippy

Confessions of a junky
Ad 0:
Try a new drinks recipe site
2005-09-26 18:04:31 (UTC)

i cryed harder when i was high.. yeah that was what was supposed to numb the fucking feelings... well it wasnt working.. not any more.. i wanted to die so fucking bad...

Sorry it's takin me so long to return to this.. Iv been
very buzy...

So i was at the guyz house sitting around doing
nothing but getting high.. I came home that night.. When i
got home my parents were all pissed off... But ..Okay your
going to read this and be like What The Fuck was she
thinking... Okay my parents would.. just give me my
pills... stuff like trazadone and seriquil and alot of
other shit... and i saved up all my meds and crushed them
up till they were like powder.. and at night i would make
lines and snort them... and then i would ..This is the
fucked up part.. I would grab cigs and rub that robotussin
shit all over them.. (i know alot of people that do
that..thats still not the fucked up part) ...After i did
that i would get all the powderd fuckin pills and shit and
like fucking role the cig around in the powder... yeah..
Talk about really fucking your self up..PLEASE DONT DO
IT!!! I felt soo fucked up when i did that.. but it was a
new way of fucking my self up... and i knew it wasnt good
because i felt week...and i dont think your suppose to
smoke trazadone.. i know it was fucking up my brain majorly
but i would smoke about 5 cigs like that and i couldnt
fucking move.... so from 5pm till about 9 pm i was fucking
paralized and trippin balls in bed... my parents thought i
was sleeping my high off.. Yeah right.... I never told them
about that only my rehab knows... I was so fucking
desperate to get high.. i would fucking smoke or huff or
snort or put shit in my eyes or shoot up almost any fucking
thing.. that i could.. I COULD NOT STAND BEING SOBER!!! I
tryed to kill myself billions of times and it never worked
i have the scares...the hospital bills... the fucking brain
damage from trying to electricute my self... So.... Drugs
was the next best thing.. and it was working soo fucking
good it was like heaven here in hell... People may read
this and say.. What could possibly be so bad.. IF ONLY YOU
LIVED MY LIFE!!! Maybe someday ill get into
detail of all the pain thats inside.. any way... so that
was that night.. and the next morning my parents came in
woke me up and said.. Are you to fucked up to take your
meds?? Lol i most likely was.. but i never said no... so i
was druged again.. just more to add on to my continuous
high.well that day was fucked.. My brain had to much..and i
guess it snaped so i was going crazy.. i was fucking pacing
around all day.. i didnt know what to do i couldnt think
straigt and i didnt have any drugs yet and it was like past
12 already... i was fucking feining like all hell.. So i
opend the door and they started going off and told me my
dad was on his way over and that i wasnt going any where
and my dad would deal with me when he got here.. I was like
FUCK THAT SHIT!!! And i ran out the back door jumped the
gate and was off .... i dont know how i did it.. but i
did.. i guess when you want drugs bad enough or your
craving/coming down so hard you can do almost anything... i
found that out... But any way i went out smoked a shit load
of Crack then came back within like 2 hours.. my dad wasnt
here... well i started coming down not to long after that
and they wouldnt let me out.. when i opened the door my
dad was just outside it fixing to walk in... I was like
what the fuck... That was when shit really hit the fan.. i
went to my room... paced around at this time i was going
completly crazy...i tryed to sneak out the back door about
a billion times... my lil bro caught me a few times.. then
my gram... then my dad.. and so on and so on... even my
fucking dog ratted me out the stupid ass started barking at
me when i tryed to open the back door and every one in the
fucking house ran back...and of course they sent me back to
my room like they did all the other times...My room has no
doorknob so i cant lock them out... all my windows have
screws in them and monkey glue over that so no matter what
the fuck i do i cant get out without breaking the damn
thing and i tryed to unscrew the windows any way...like i
said i was really desperate...well i had one window that
they couldnt screw closed cuz it wasnt exactly a window it
was like a really old fashioned window and you have to turn
this thing and the glass is like shutters really and they
all open and there are little gaps between them..well fuck
you should know what shutters look like... any way you
fucking turn the thing and they open.. well i was in my
bath room with my light on and it was dark outside and i
cut my screen cuz the screen was on the inside and i opend
the things and i was tring to pull each one of the peices
of glass out of there place so i could get out of the
fucking window... well i was there for like 3 hours trying
that before my grama came in and opend the door... and she
said "You know your dad's been out there watching you the
intire time" i was like WHAT?!!?!??? She said those arent
going to come out... and so i was really fucking pissed..
and i felt more like a dumb ass then i already did
before..and i had dirt all over me from the dirty ass screen
and i just quit and layed down in bed for a while... so
that night i was in... i didnt go back out.. i had
nothing..and i was out of crushed meds...all i had was
fuckin tussin and no sigs... and ...i didnt even have
like.. more then a fuckin sip of that tussin shit... so i
was pissed... when they all went to bed... i waited... and
waited and waited and ploted my evil skeem.. first i wanted
to kill them.. then i thought .. i'll try it without the
murder...then if it dont work.. i'll do it the next time..
JUST A REMINDER I WAS NOT IN MY RIGHT MIND!! soo about 3
am..I tryed to get out the back door again... I made it!!!
i thought FREEDOM!!!!
and DRUGS!!! DRUGS!!!! DRUGS!!!! i planed to OD on
drugs that night cuz i didnt want to go back... and i could
do it... i was giving myself out for drugs.. and all i had
to do was go to a dealer that sold Heroin...My second drug
of choice next to crack.. Omg i loved the boy... Boy=Heroin
Girl=Cocain for those of you who dont know... and i like my
cocain in rock form is all ...but they were still great
when you mixed them together and i did that alllll the
fucking time... oh my god OH MY GOD.... They were my best
friends in the world.. they didnt judge me they didnt nag
they didnt hate me for what i did... And they were always
there when i needed them and they always always always
ALWAYS gave me what i wanted and they NEVER LIED OR CHEATED
I knew exactly what they were and what they did And there
faults and AND THEY KNEW MINE!!! AND i swear it was like we
were a match made in FUCKING HEAVEN!!!! when i was with
them...(on them) I was the best fucking person to be
around...I WAS SMART... FUNNY ...BEAUTIFUL.. SWEET...
SEXXY... FLIRTY...HORNY...BUT SO MUCH FUCKING FUN TO BE
WITH!!!! and when i was without i was nothing... just a
bitchy fiening motherfucker.... an addict... a junky... a
lier a cheater... a loser.... i betrayed my true friends...
i was no longer a true person... i was fake... and you know
what... I HATED WHO I WAS WITH THE DRUGS...AND I HATED WHO
I WAS WITHOUT THEM... I COULD NOT FUCKING STAND ME!!!!!....
i was a nobody... a complete nothing... to every one...
thats what i became... ...It got to the point... i would
cry while fucking people to get high.. so they quit and
threw the drugs at me and kicked me and said get the fuck
outta here bitch... and i crawled away with my shame... and
i fucking cryed as i smoked the shit... and when i was
high.. i fucking cryed.. i cryed harder when i was high..
yeah that was what was supposed to numb the fucking
feelings... well it wasnt working.. not any more.. i wanted
to die so fucking bad...nothing was right.. that day i went
home...my eyes were blood shot.. from crying... and from
being high... cuz i didnt stop smoking the shit i
couldnt... i was addicted.... and i never fucking noticed
till that very second.. that moment in my life i fucking
admitted it.. I was an addict.. i was powerless.. and i
could not go on...


Ad:0
PropellerAds