my diary
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2005-09-21 04:01:33 (UTC)

a waste of time

Not too long ago, I was watching this old Sex in the City
episode, and one of the characters on there was talking
about past relationships. She asked, what happens to the
love when a relationship ends? It’s something I have
always wondered myself. How is it that an emotion so
strong can simply fade away? Does it really fade away?

I used to think that if you really loved someone, and
really held on to that emotion, that it would never fade
away. I’ve heard a good analogy when it comes to holding
on; it’s much like holding sand in a clenched fist. No
matter how tightly you hold on, no matter how hard you
try, some of that sand is going to trickle through your
fingers and will forever be lost. And really, how long do
you hold on to someone who doesn’t care about you
anymore? I used to think that defined ‘true love’, just
hold on forever and never lose hope, eventually they will
come back.

I have to laugh at the thought now. Maybe they do come
back, only to have you realize things will never again be
the way they were. All the day dreams you’ve played out
in your head to pass the time before you can see them
again burst like bubbles as you realize, that’s all they
were, just dreams of the person you only wished they had
become. You come to realize you are in the same spot you
were a year ago when you made the vow never to let go,
you’re still alone, hanging by a thread of hope that you
have to have the strength to cut.

But time does heal wounds, and I think I may have finally
found the strength I needed. And in the last couple weeks
I’ve thought about what happens to the love you had for
someone…I suppose in some of my more bitter moments I
would say it’s gone and lost forever. But I don’t think
love fades away, we are all capable of love, it’s not an
emotion we lose. When a relationship ends, time erases
what once was, soon only fragments of moments remain, and
a voice or face you thought you couldn’t possibly forget
becomes only a vague memory. But when a relationship ends,
we have to find the strength to realize that every ending
marks a new beginning.

We have to find the strength to move forward and believe
that the love we were always capable of, we are still
capable of. So, you gave your love to someone who didn’t
want it, I suppose my advice would be this, and I do
realize it’s easier said than done, but take that love
back and give it to someone who will love you. True love
isn’t about being stubborn, and holding on to someone
forever foolishly believing if you care enough, eventually
they will too, true love shouldn’t be that much work.
Loving someone should be easy, if it’s not, you’re
probably just wasting your time.