acuapulco1

La Vida Mia
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Ezoic
2005-09-17 23:00:45 (UTC)

September 17, 2005

i entered a 5k today. i had planned to do it for awhile
but i spaced it until last night when we were looking up
stuff about a fair and i saw the thing about the race. but
by that time i had already decided to go adrinkin'. so i
did that then woke up and on 3hrs of sleep and 8eight
cocktails deep i ran. i dont think it was great, as i
didnt feel like i ran well but it was better than last
time. i gotta keep this shit up so ill be ready for the
crosscountry 10k. so i saw my fella. i was pretty certain
hed be there but i wasnt expecting anything. then as soon
as he walked up to the registration table, i saw him from
SEVERAL blocks away. i pretended not to notice him but i
knew exactly where he was the whole time. then when he ran
past me on the way back to the finish line, i pretended not
to notice and when we was less than one foot infront of me
at the refreshment table. maybe i was hoping that if i
didnt notice him then he wouldnt notice me and nothing
would happen. but as i was walking to get my t-shirt he
looked at me and i made eye-contact and so then i had to
say something. i kept it short and distant. hell i wanted
to make out with him right there but i couldnt. so he
called me, i hoped for a message, called him back, we
talked. later i saw him online, we talked, it
got "weird". i really miss him. he use to come over at
night and sleep in my bed. he doesnt do that anymore, i
barely see him, even though i know he loves me. i dont
understand why he wont just let himself go. we belong
together. its so obvious. the conversation got serious
for like two minutes then i decided to back off knowing he
didnt want to discuss it. when he signed off i was so
pissed, i started to cry. maybe its because i was missing
my family. maybe thats an excuss. i wasnt sobbing but it
was crying, or actually the beginnings of crying. i pulled
it together and keep folding my laundry. i miss him so
much. why does life have to be this hard. i already
appreciate and love him so intensely. WTF! God i hate
this. and he just signed in again. i wont say anything to
him. i love him. i hate myself.


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