Modicum Tirade
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2001-10-09 16:44:41 (UTC)

Wait.. that last one sucked. I want to outline myself

I want to interest people in me. I want people to
realize that there truly is more to me than what they
observe. I'm not just a dork who spends 6-8 hours a day on
the Internet. My God... I'm 24 years old. Who is
qualified to judge me besides myself?
Truth be told, I'm lonely. I don't permit myself time
for friendships or relationships because the online world
is just more appealing to me. I love anonymity and the
amount of alleviation felt when dealing with your own
problems anonymously. It's hard to explain but easy to
comprehend. On the Internet, we can be whoever we want to
be. If we don't like something about ourselves we can
release it harmlessly into bandwidth and reshape it to
please us. Is it really harmless though? Couldn't it
cause repression in ourselves? I'm confused about what I'm
supposed to be doing in life. I finally, after 6 years,
got tired of busting my ass for minimum wage and went back
to school. I'm going to get a degree. I know that I am
smart and that I can do things. Looking for a job is not
difficult, as I have only a couple of requirements:
1) It has to be indoors.
2) It has to be part-time
3) They have to plan around my classes.

I think those are quite reasonable requests and you would
think the offers are pouring in with Christmas just around
the corner. But I have one lead only. At a toy store
working nights. That would be a nice job, I need to call
and check on it today.

OK. Now what the fuck is up with girls? Why are they
so hard to talk to? I don't have any problem LOOKING at
them... I used to be able to talk to them... WTF happened?
I have had really only one serious relationship and it
ended horribly. That was like... 3 years ago. Am I in
some way traumatized? Anyway, I'm going to go. I need 2
hours in my Math lab today. I'll be back though.