Cowgirl_Mom

Summer of Shit

Well, if this hasn't been the summer to beat all summers!
First, over the fourth of July, my dear great aunt dies.
She was an incredible person. God really was blessed with
an angel with her. Then, as my husband is quitting one job
of four years and accepting another new, well paying, but
less benefits job, we hear that his father has passed.
This happens less than two weeks after my aunt.
We return from a whirlwind tour of the east coast
(Pennsylvania and North Carolina) as we settle his father's
estate and less than a week later we find out that my uncle
(my father's only sibling) has passed. This has left us a
rather large quagmire, which I have talked about in
previous diary entry or entries.
Well, my luck just continues to disintegrate. As I told my
ex-husband, I know that God only gives us as much as we can
handle, but I just wish that he didn't trust me so much! A
week ago this past Friday, my father was diagnosed with the
early stages of Parkinson's Disease. At the same time, his
white blood count was way off, as was his sugar count.
There is a possibility that he is also diabetic. He was
informed that he had a virus and a sinus infection, was
advised to be hospitalized, which he refused, so he was
sent home on 4 days bed rest and a hefty antibiotic. It
has now been 8 days, and he is still battling fever and
severe abdominal pain.
My mother took him in for the abdominal pain at 2:50 the
other afternoon, and didn't take him home until 6:30. They
proceeded to run numerous tests to see if he had
diverticulitus again (he had it 3 years ago, and after a
colonoscopy, he was discovered to have had polyps in his
colon), turns out, he has a mass in his abdomen, and we are
not sure what it is. He has an appointment with a surgeon
on Monday morning, but remains in severe pain in the mean
time. There is a strong possibility that we are talking
about cancer at this point.
He refuses to go to the hospital. He and my mother are
fighting because of it. He doesn't want my mother to worry
or take care of him. She admitted this morning to me about
cancer (she has not told my brothers) and also that she is
not ready to lose him. To be honest, I'm not sure that I
am either. But I know that it is not my choice and that my
mother needs me to be strong for her and to deal with my
issues later. How much more shit can I take?
Mu grandmother talked to my mother earlier this week, and
she has admitted that she cried last weekend. Every thing
is hitting her with the mortality of herself and her
husband as well as the fact that they can no longer drive
themselves nor is it a pleasant situation with her son
living at the house and not tending to them, but rather
treating her with the disrespect that her husband of 57
years treats her.
I know that I need to go see her, and my grandfather, but
honestly, I am stretched as far as I can go. Between my
own family and household, my parents and their problems and
needs, and my other grandparent's home and the mess that my
uncle left behind. I just can't stretch any further. I'm
sorry.
I need some support myself. Later.