The First Tear

TEars: Good and Bad
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2005-09-08 18:32:36 (UTC)

My Second "Mama"

Dear Diary

Today I'm supposed to give a speech in my comm class. I'm
excited. I'm nervous too. The speech is about Mrs.
Smedley. My mama. I'm gonna record it and send it to her.
I'm not sure how but, I'm workin' on getting it there.
lol. I may just take it down conference weekend. I hope it
makes her smile and realize how much of a differnece she's
made in my and other lives. I'm pretty sure it will.


Speaking of speeches. lol. I talked to Mrs. Murtagh this
morning. It was good to hear from her. I'm thinkin' about
calling her back either tonight or Saturday night. I wish
I could just tell her everything. I konw it's not healthy
to be the dependent. I'm not really though. I'm convincing
myself here. lol. I miss her sooo much. Her and mama and
Mr. Gregory. You just don't know. Here, I have no one. I
mean I have to walk on egg shells with all my "friends". I
mean they're nice and eerything but, I can't just spill
myself to them. I'm even afraid to put everything in here
cause I"m afraid someone will find it.

There so much that even you don't know. I've donw some
REALLY stuid stuff in the past week and I can't write
about it. I can't talk about it. I really shouldn't even
think about it. Maybe i'LL TELL YOU ON DOWN THE
ROAD. ...iN LIKE 10 YEARS. lol.

I'm sittin' her listening to my city of Angels soundtrack.
Ah the memories. L.O.V.E. LOL! FOVE! LOL! Sorry. Funny
moment.

Anyways, I guess I"m done for the day. I'm gonna go over
my speech a few more times and then a few more times. lol.
I'm nervous...can you tell? hehehe. I'll be fine. I just
have to keep reminding myself of that. yup yup. fine fine
fine. yes yes yes. lol. I may lay down for a few..no no no
I need to go over my notes...UGH! I'm sooo tired though.
Oh well. I can sleep tonight...maybe. I'm outtie cause I'm
arguing with myself.

Love ya ltos
Ashley


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