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2005-09-07 05:04:59 (UTC)

I think i'm back to my old self

life isn't really that bad anymore. I mean, here I am,
just this chic who has a job she really enjoys (doesn't
get paid enough) and all i hafta worry about right now is
keeping enough money in the bank for my car insurance. I
don't hafta worry about school yet so how bad can life
get? Sure if anything really bad happens ofcourse, then
i'd have stuff to worry about but right now, for the most
part, things are fine. lets just hope it stays that way.
So yeah, i got so drunk a few nights ago. I mean, not like
drunk drunk, but wow, i was pretty close. Ofcourse i was
with Sean and a bunch of his friends. It was fun. But
omfg, i can just kill myself. Everytime i get really drunk
like that, i start expressing how i really feel about Sean
to him. Its so embaressing cuz at the time it feels normal
but then once i think about it afterwards, i feel like
such an idiot!!!I told him i wanted to marry him AGAIN!!
2nd time this happened. UGH! I'm so stupid. He probably
thinks i'm an idiot. I mean, that kind of stuff ur suppose
to keep to yourself right? Or else wouldn't it scare off
the person your with??? AHHH! Why am i so stupid??? I
mean, i don't even know why i'm putting this down, but
when i get in the worst mood ever, i close my eyes when
i'm trying to sleep and imagine myself 5 years from now,
married to Sean, with a nice house and yadda yadda yadda.
It gets me in such a good mood afterwards. But now He
knows how i feel!!! I'm so scared that it made him
uncomfortable or something! UGH! I'm retarded. Grr! But oh
well, enough about that...what else is new...hmmm...oh
yeah, i'm finally driving a better car. its a 1991 Dodge
Stealth. Yay! its so cool, i love it. It makes me happy,
tee hee. But anyways, i think i'm gonna go. I was gonna
wait for Sean to get on so i could talk to him tonight but
he went to bed instead. Poor Sean, he had to work extra
hours today. He must be exhausted. =( Well, guess i'll
just talk to him tomm.

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