supergoddess

This diary is my kief,hashish,&opium pip
2005-09-03 20:31:22 (UTC)

I want a boyfriend. I want all that stupid old shit like letters and sodas.

I finally went to someone's house. Yay?

Alright. So on Friday at 8 JB picked me up and we went to
Jon's house.

All we did was play poker and watch a movie and stuff.

And it's becoming more and more obvious that JB likes me.
And it just sucks. I know this sounds so stupid and
conceited but I don't want to have to deal with it, I just
want to be his friend.

Why can't I ever have any damn friends for once in my life?

But yeah so. Jon invited me to come to his house again
next week. Which is cool. In some ways. Because Jon is a
hot beast. And his friends are really cool, and I had fun.
And maybe I can remember all their names. Whatever.
They're cool kids.

And I need friends.


I sorta like Jon but with JB liking me, it's just screwed
up. Jon probably knows JB likes me. And shit shit shitty
fuck fuck.


Every girl is supposed to have one adroable boyfriend in
highschool that she gets to take total and complete
advantage of.

I just want one guy. OUT OF ALL THE GUYS I LIKE. JUST ONE
EFFING GUY.

Is it that hard?


Nikki flirts with me too much now and I'm starting to
think he just wants to get in my pants. He probably thinks
a stupid innocent little freshmen would be too naive to
catch on to that shit.

No, sorry. I don't think so, fuck that.

I also have this phobia of not knowing what to say. I
mean, don't you just hate awkward silences? And if I were
to go out with someone, well... there'd be a lot of them.
For me, it's really hard to talk to guys. And when I do
talk to them, the majority of it is flirting. But people
flirt less when they're already going out because they
don't need to win the person over anymore. So it's just
like "k. lets make out" and then everything ends up just
becoming shitty.

At least, that's my take on the situation. That's a lot
coming from a short fat girl who's never had a boyfriend
before, but it's something.


Speaking of fat, I'm getting fatter by the minute.
Tomorrow is going to be my two week mark.. or three week
mark? I don't know. But I'll check later. Fuck. I am such
a fat bitch. You have no idea. My thighs are fatter. My
stomach is just a humungus bowl of jelly. It jiggles way
too much. I liked being anorexic when the only thing that
ever jiggled was my barely-there tits. It was cute. This
is just gross.

I want to get all this damn food out of me. There's a
fucking 3 day weekend and I have no friends and no one to
spend it with and no where to go. So basically I need to
find a way to piss away 3 days.

*pokes fat* *jiggle*

This is so disgusting. And yet I'm not going to purge.

I really need to do something with my life. I am so sick
of everything right now. I'm content, yet bored out of my
mind, and all I can think about is how I'm so fucking fat
and I need friends.


The fat girl needs friends.




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