laughattack

Cokepop for the Smartnessment
2005-08-26 05:57:47 (UTC)

So many confusing things.

So pretty much I'd love to scream. Only everybody's
sleeping and I can't.

This is so wierd. But atleast I have lots of people to
talk to. Annette with her EdmontonK issues and then my
Applebrain issues and Kayla with Barbeque (haha just
thought of that one) and Jacqui's good to talk to
too...and yeah. And I'm talking to Ben and Chelsea right
not on the topic of guys.

But really. Last night when Kayla was sleeping over we
stayed up late talking about Applebrain and etc. and she
said something that totally applied to me and that I've
been thinking/feeling for a long time but wasn't really
sure of how to explain it to somebody else and make them
understand. Like its a hard thing to explain and I of
course SUCK at explaining which doesn't help matters. So
anyways she said "How do you ever really know if you
REALLY like that person? How do you know if its real or
not?" Like that is so true. How DO you know? If anybody
knows this than please tell me. And saying that your heart
beats a zillion times a second and you get butterflies and
your legs melt DOES NOT help at all. Because sometimes
that doesn't really happen.


But pause. I have to check something out. BRB.


Ok so I'm back. I was trying to figure out when I started
liking A. I'm thinking it was around YC time. Dunno.
Whatever. I dunno I can't really think anymore. It's all
so confusing. Guys send all the wrong sings anyways. You
think they like you when really they're just being
friendly otherwise they're jerks and in love with you. You
never really know for sure. ARGH is all I have to say on
that topic. And also for the fact that there's so many
complications no matter WHAT happens!

And on the topic of confusing signs I guess I'll talk
about my day today...

So me and Kayla were up late talking and we had to get up
early and that was hell. I had like a 5 second shower to
wake up and then we got ready to walk to the ortho which
wasn't too bad. It was pretty nice out. So yeah. haha I
only wear my retainer at night even though I'm supposed to
wear it all the time, and I only floss like once a year-
and my ortho told me to keep up the good work! The second
me and Kayla were out the door we burst out laughing. Then
we stopped in at the mall to get breafast (which for me
consisted of two A&W hashbrowns and a donut from Safeway)
and then we walked to the church to see Annette and Jacqui
and help out with VBS (Vacation Bible School). So we did
that and hung out at the park afterwards and then Annette
got picked up and got to drive home, then Dorothy drove
me, Kayla and Jacqui back to Jacqui's and me and Kayla
walked home to shower and whatnot and get ready for youth
tonight. So I showered and she took a nap and we hung out
and slowly got ready. Then we made salads and ate
frootloops then walked to Jacqui's house (Kayla's sleeping
over there tonight) to catch a ride to youth and hang out.
So we got to youth like 45 minutes early. So we were
hanging out in the park then we went into the church in
Scotts office and colored and whatnot and I colored his
phone book. haha now its pretty. And so we were waiting
for people to come and then we were trying to convince
Alex to come only he was being a big bum and wouldn't
come. So we were trying to think of another person to
drive because there was too many of us for us all to fit
in Scott's car. And Alex wouldn't come and then we were
waiting for Grant and also trying to figure out somebody
to drive. So anyways me and Annette were hanging out at
the park and Grant got there and came over to hang out
with us...and then afew minutes later everybody else came
out of the church and Bran started walking to her car and
Scott was at his and he was like "Come on guys we're
leaving." And I was like "Are we going to the fringe or
home?" Because it kinda looked like they were going home
because Bran hadn't wanted to drive and we couldn't find
another drive and yeah. I got laughed at. We'll just leave
it at that. So I was in Scott's car with Annette, Kayla
and Grant. And it was very squishy. But oh well. So we got
to the fringe and we all met at the spot then we kinda
split up. First I was with Kayla, Grant, Jacqui, Annette,
Mike and Angie and then they kinda ditched us and it was
just me, Kayla and Grant. I could totally tell that Jacqui
was mad at me. It was so obvious. Not very many people
like Grant and me and Kayla are pretty much his only
friends from youth. So he hangs out with us. And me and
him were really close before Mexico and we're still pretty
good friends and I dunno...he was totally following me
everywhere at first when we were in the big group at the
fringe and constantly by my side which I could tell
totally pissed Jacqui off. But well I'm one of his only
friends and she ignores him anyways so I really don't
blame him. But I really do wish she'd try to see this from
my point of view too because this is really hard. I can
understand why she'd be mad and jealous but I'm serious.
We're just friends. I wouldn't go out with him. I couldn't
do that to myself...or her either. I was already hurt in
Mexico by him and I don't need that again. She just needs
to let it go and try to get over it. Because wow this
whole thing is gonna end up killing some friendships. And
I didn't make anything be ruined when they started dating
even though yes it totally did crush me because I still
liked him at that point in time. So argh. Another
complicated matter.

Anyways me, Kayla and Grant had fun. We all held hands to
stay together and not get lost. And at first I was holding
hands with Kayla then there was kinda some shuffling and
Grant was in the middle for most of the time. And then we
were holding hands. And I'm really really sure that I
don't still like him. Like pretty darned sure. But why was
I all tingly at first when we were holding hands? It meant
nothing. Or atleast it SHOULDN'T have. And I KNOW I
wouldn't go out with him. I couldn't do that. And I like
A. See? Such a confusing night with waaaay too much to
think about. I dunno. I don't think it meant anything from
him but you can never really be sure? And sometimes Kayla
would let go and he'd just keep holding onto my hand. And
leaning into me. So I really don't know.

Guys just confuse the hell out of me. I honestly think
they need signs above their heads that say what they're
thinking and feeling. I'm not even kidding. That would be
so amazingly helpful.

To bad it doesn't exist because my life could be made SO
much easier.

But I'll try to stop thinking things through because its
almost 1:30am and I'm actually really tired and my eyes
are dying here. But yeah. Tomorrow I work like all day.
1:30-9. Then I might be going to Chelsea's house for her b-
day party. We started talking tonight. So it'd be cool to
see her again. Oh and about the whole "When you like
somebody how do you know if its for real" thing, she said:

(when you like someone you feel alright being yourself
around them)

which works. It's by far one of the better answers I've
gotten tonight.

And Ben was helping too and he got this for me:
Bow down, bow down, before the power of Santa. Or be
crushed, be crushed, byyyyy, his jolly boots of doom says:
kayla sends her advice about understanding guy's "the only
reason guys are hard to interpret is because girls expect
them to play games, and most dont, they're easy to
interpret if you ask them things straight out"

So yes. And we were supposed to go for a slurpee tonight
because I owed him and he was bored. Only I chickened out
sneaking out so we didn't end up going. So we have a date
for sometime. SEV RUN! haha. Anyways. Its definately bed
time now. GOODNIGHT!


-Ni.Cole-

JESUS TEACHES US TO SING IN THE RAIN
~From a church sign we saw on the way to the fringe. And I
loved it because I love the rain and of course I love
Jesus.




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