Lix's

Ozzie wannabe's
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2005-08-25 17:09:31 (UTC)

It's been a while- only read if you have trouble sleeping

Ok. It's been a while....... for a number of things:
It's been a while since
1. my nana passed away-4 months ago now. I really miss her
but coz she lived in portsmouth I wouldn't have really seen
her so it's a wierd feeling really. It's awful seeing my
pop on his own- just doesn't seen right!
2.Pepe got put to sleep. I miss that daft dog heaps. my
parents house really seams strange without him there to
great me- that's have been 3 months ago now!!!!!!
3.Since I lost one of my best friend.....she hasn't died or
anything (though the old mandy has died so the other guys
seem to think... apparently there's a "new" version- not
sure what they make of it!)
Well.... this diary site can actually help me- gives me the
open space to say what I think!.....I'd better sart from
the beginning really. Su and myself decided to go out last
minute on Good friday we got chatting to some ozzies &
before I knew it Su was snogging one of them . I was left
dancing with the other 2 having a right laugh!! they come
back to ours & I had to go to bed as I had work in the
morning- just before I did one of them took my number I
really didn't think anything of it. this guy texed the next
day & arranged to bump into them all in the Town House. Su
said his face lit up when he saw me & truely did get on
like a house on fire. We ended up back at ours again. We
didn't sleep coz we were just laughing all night ( nothing
else happened though- just didn't seem to be like that) I
went to see him again the sunday night but took mandy, Su
was out with Chris. I got a text from Vita just telling me
how much he liked me. I was surprised but really not sure
what to think. We spoke to each other often (usually one of
us would be pissed) but it was always wicked to hear from
him. I told mandy what I thought & how I felt & she was
really pleased for me. My Nana then passed away & I was
deverstated. Well, when I went down for the funeral, Mandy
slept with him. Su was the one to tell me when I got back
home to Leeds. I was shocked but told myself everything
happens for a reason & since V is going back to Oz in
october it would save myself the hurt. For a week and a
half after it happened Mandy did not answer my calls or
reply to my texts. We eventually did speak & I just said
that everyone makes mistakes.... (though, if I had done
something like that to her she would physically kill me!!)
I did think everything was going to be ok-until I saw Vita
again. He had come up from London for the weekend to see
his friends and me. After "the event" I had decided to
remain friends with both of them. Vita never knew how I
felt- we had never got together so really he had no
loyalties to me, however Mandy knew exactly how I felt-she
had loyalties to me- that's what friends do. this
particular weekend I had said that I would go out with our
group but would go off at somepoint to see V as Mandy had
said that she never wanted to see him again. Well Su and
liz wanted to come with me (I don't think it was my company
they wanted.... more like on the look out for "fresh
meat"!) So mandy chose to stay home and "get a blockbuster
card" , Which, if it was me that had f*cked up I would have
been more than happy to do-it was only one weekend!! any
how, I did feel that after this weekend I just needed a bit
of space & also I had exams on at this time, 2 assignments,
being there for my mum(Nana was her mum-so making sure I
was there for her was important to me) & to top everything
off pepe (family dog) had to be put to sleep. I'm sorry to
say that Mandy was the last person I was going to need
support from. Well, we were supposed to be going to
Greenday together. I was soooooooooooooooo excited & I also
thought this would be one day where we could sort things
out. Any how I get a message to say that she doesn't want
to go & is selling the tickets only to find out that she
still went. I was/am actually really upset about all of
this. I really hate bad feeling especially when its between
someone you were really close to & trusted! Just before my
hols MAndy arranges a meal & deliberatelt leaves me out. I
was so upset & felt like I was being punished for something
& I really could work out what I had done! I went to spain
for 4 week & su joins me for my las 2 weeks. when she
arrived she told me that mandy had told liz something that
I asked many to take to the grave with her- she'd let me
down....again!!! even after this I text her twice to try
and open up avenues of communication in order to attempt to
heal things but I felt I was hitting a brick wall. Mandy
Texed me last week off her own back & we had a bit of chat
I then said that if we were all gonna go out together again
then me & her should meet up 1 to 1 just to talk & settle
the atmosphere. she replied saying we should be adults & to
leave things dead & buried & that talking about things wont
give either of us any resolution! resolution? what the F**k
does she need resolution for??????? I don't want to bring
up the Vita thing just see why she's let me dowm on a
couple of other occaisions & explain my actions if I need
to if she feels I've done something wrong. I never wanted
to fall out with her at all. It's sad really!
the next entry will be much much shorter!!!!! xxx


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