My so called life...
2005-08-23 06:55:56 (UTC)

I'm losing this battle...

I'm so fucked up right now and I haven't even had anything
to drink today. I can't get the emptiness out of me. I'm
being consumed by it. Why do I feel so empty, so alone, so
hopeless. I don't care about anything, about anyone.
Nothing seems to matter to me.

A self stamped letter to my inner self:

Dear Dumbass (yah you!!!)

I don't even know why you care, why its effecting you so
much. So what, she found someone else, so WHAT!!! She was
never right for you anyways, you dumb fuck!!! Why can't
you get that through your thick skull! Why do you still
care, I know she's for sure not thinking of your ass right
now. She's in the arms of someone else, she belong to
someone else. Just leave it along, MOVE ON!!! Why is it so
fucking difficult. You're so stupid sometimes! Its not
like she was perfect. You watch too many movies and maybe
bought into the idea that love was worth fighting for,
that true love conquers all! Hahahah, what Julie Roberts,
melodramatic, Love Actually, fairy tale, BULLSHIT!!! Love
doesn't work like that. Well not for you anyways.

You promised yourself that you would never settle, that
you wouldn't just be with someone in fear of being alone.
That's one promise that I will not break! I rather be
alone than with someone I don't trully love. I think I'll
be alone for awhile, its just going to take a while to
understand that its okay to be alone. Good night.