The First Tear

TEars: Good and Bad
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2005-08-22 04:11:36 (UTC)

I cry, Pretend like I never knew you

Dear Diary

This morning I had an anxiety attack. It all came to a
head. I went into mom and dad's room and ended up sleeping
there. I was sooo tired. I've been up since 11:30 this
morning and didn't get to sleep till around 7. UGH! It's
freakin' awful.

Joey started school today. Yeah, I know why should I care?
I dunno. I tried to explain to him today how much I care
and love him. I think I finaly got it out. I keep going on
about how much I don't want him to cheat on me...well, I
finaly admitted to him and to myself that even if he did I
probably would let it slide because I love him so much. I'm
pathetic. I said that too. I told him maybe I cared too
much. He didn't like that too much. I don't know what to
say to him to get across. But, even if I did get
across...would it matter in the long run? Probably not.
Honestly and truly probably not. My parents say I'm
fighting a losing battle. Maybe they're right. Maybe I care
more about "us" than he does. I told him that yesterday and
he disagreed. I don't know. I'm so pathetic. Pathetic!

I'm burning up! Our fuckin' air is still STILL not fixed!
I'm so tired of being hot and sweaty. lol. So so hot!
Nasty! EEEWWW! Shower!!!

Ashley


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