Love the DMV
i'm trying my best to become and american citizen. i've
gotten my finger prints taken, signed up for selective
service system (whihc means i can get drafted), given about
half my weight in blood and other general fluids, filled out
thousands of forms, taken a demeaning interview, and finally
gone to the dmv to register with the state i have lived in
for the past 1 year.
see i didn't register because of two reasons.
1.) i say if you have a valid (non-expired) license from any
one state then it should be good for all states. i mean all
it really is, is a way for the state to get more money, and
don't give me the "each state has different safety
standards", shtick. as far as i am concerned there are
three safety standards that are all we need.
don't drive drunk.
don't hit anything or anyone.
don't get in the car if you're asian.
besides that, there's nothing. i mean there's common-sense
stuff, like wear that little strap that keeps you from
bludgeoning your face through the windshield, and don't pour
hot coffee all over your nuts while you're driving.
2.) i hate, absolutely hate the DMV. i know other people
say this, but i really mean it. this time was no different.
it opened at 8:30 so i got there at 8, there were two lines
at the main door. i got at the end of one of them right
next to a little side door to my left. at 8:30 this lady
comes out of the side door i'm right next to and yells,
"this is the only door that opens on saturdays!"
i smiled at her thought, 'wow what luck you have nick' and
started sauntering towards it. then the ground started to
tremble. i looked up to my right and (literally) a mob of
people was running at me screaming, pushing, and cursing.
i shrieked and ran inside to safety. i was promptly
shouldered aside by this portly woman who let out a snort
and turned towards the driver's license kiosk. when all was
said and done i was the 30th person (mind you i was the
first person in the DMV) awaiting the first "preliminary
check". i looked behind me and it was incredible. people
were yelling at each other and just being violent, shoving
and all that horrible stuff. shortly behind me the lady who
had yelled about the door ushered people into some semblance
of a line and then proceeded to be rascist.
she was mexican and every mexican person that wsa in the
line was treated with a singing helpfulness that would have
made angels weep. no english? no problemo! but whenever a
black person came up to her she was very curt and very
unfriendly. it was just really sad.
i finally got up to the kiosk in good austrian fashion, with
all of my documents ready and waiting. it's amazing all the
shit they need from you. i had to give my passport, green
card, social security card, driver's license, and two proofs
of residency. the latter got me in trouble.
see i only brough the actual statements from my bank and
utility company, not the postaged envelope! argh!! i
couldn't believe it when the dick at the kiosk said,
"where is the post-marked envelope?" i mean shit, my
address is PRINTED on the statement, how could it not get to
me? i understand if the address were printed on the
envelope, i mean the envelope is merely a container now a
days. which is when i learned my first lesson at the DMV.
don't argue or debate. he simply growled at me adn told me
to stop wasting his time.
so i left dejectedly and went home to get my postmarked
envelopes. 5 hours later i'm sitting in front of the guy
issuing me my new license. all is about to be good and done
when he takes my old license from me. see i wanted to keep
it sort of as a souvenir, which apparently, is illegal.
that is when i learned my seocnd DMV lesson. the worst
question to ask is,
"Why can't I keep my old drivers license?"
"why would you want to."
"ummm, as a souvenir."
"well now, you would have a duplicate form of id now
me pausing trying to get some spittle down my dried up
throat, 'oh no' i thought to myself, 'he hasn't given you
your new one yet, ah! what if he thinks you're a crook now,
"ummm, eh, heh, i just, um i wanted to make a scrapbook."
a scrapbook? christ! who am i martha stewart?
"mmmmhmmm" he gave me a sideways glance as he handed me my
i quickly boogeyed out of there as fast as possible. well
atleast now i am in full compliance and am almost a u.s.
citizen! yay! oh and the funniest part of becoming a
citizen was during my interview.
the guy asked me to name atleast one benefit of being a u.s.
citizen, and i couldn't. oucharillos.