Eugene

Top Ten Reasons I Remain Smoke-Free...A Two Year Ramble

From PuffinNoMore on 5/19/2005 10:30:51 AM

10. Explaining a blown quit really sucks.

9. Having the same $20 sit in my wallet for a week or more
is pretty cool.

8. I can leave the house without patting myself down to
ensure I've got my poison...and without being paranoid
that I might've left one smouldering.

7. I can do things outdoors without worrying later that
the butts I crushed out might've set a forest fire.

6. I no longer need to marinate in my perfume in an effort
to mask the cigarette smell.

5. I can go to smoke-free places and events and fully
enjoy them without constantly fidgeting, checking the
time, worrying what I'll miss if I go have one, or
searching for the nearest exit.

4. It's nice to not have to stumble outside first thing in
the morning, and every 30 minutes thereafter, all day and
night long, in every kind of weather.

3. The novelty of still being able to breathe normally
when I exercise still hasn't worn off.

2. Three words: Improved Sex Life!

And my number one reason for staying smoke-free is.........

1. Because staying quit is a lot easier than continuing to
smoke.

Now I know what some of you are thinking; "This woman is
out of her freakin' mind!!!" Well, yeah...I am...but
that's a whole other story. ;~)
To me, staying quit is easier than smoking because as a
smoker, I was always stressed out. I stressed about the
health risks. I stressed about the price. I stressed every
time I heard my husband or kids cough (I smoked inside for
a long time). I stressed about being careless with my
smokes and accidently burning something down. I had a real
close call once, but rather than quit, I chose to spend 10
years being paranoid. I stressed about the harm I might've
done my kids by not quitting during my pregnancies. :~(

I also felt ashamed all the time. Ashamed of not being
able to maintain a quit while pregnant. Ashamed of
spending money to commit suicide that could've been put to
better use by paying woefully overdue bills for a start.
Ashamed of poisoning my family's air until my dh not-so-
politely asked me to take my ash outside 4 years before I
quit. Ashamed of sneaking smokes in the house when he was
at work and kids were at school. Ashamed of turning a deaf
ear to my family's repeated pleas to quit for years, and
of smoking "at" them to try to spite them. How childish is
that?! LOL Ashamed of willingly doing something that in
all likelihood would've deprived my husband of his wife
and my kids of their mother. In short, I was ashamed of
being a selfish prat. As long as I stay quit, I'll never
have to feel that shame again.

Being quit has been a piece of cake compared to that
existence of stress and shame. Don't get me wrong...the
process of quitting was no picnic. It was one of the
hardest things I've ever done. However, it's been so worth
all the anguish, wall climbing, mindless munching and
wildly swinging moods in the beginning. I've gained better
health, more energy and stamina...not to mention a sense
of freedom, self respect..and even serenity. I'm no longer
tied to a little cardboard box filled with death, and no
longer jumping through all sorts of hoops to get that all-
important fix. My life is incredibly laid back now that
I'm not always obsessing about smoking and hating myself
every time I lit up. Even better, I now have the
confidence to pursue my goals. Hey, if I can quit smoking,
I can do ANYTHING. :~)

All I've done to keep the quit was to just put one foot in
front of the other, concentrate on the good, treat myself
well on the bad days...and have faith that it had to get
better. I figured if it didn't, no one would stay
quit...and I know a few people in 3D with long term quits.
I still occasionally hear that insidious whisper in times
of high stress, but I recognize it for what it is. An
invitation to an enslavement from which I may not have the
strength to escape again. In fact, I've been experiencing
some high stress for the past week or so. My cat is dying
of cancer and heart disease, for a start....and you know
what? It's more than likely my fault for smoking around
her for her entire life. Do I want to smoke? I sure did
when I first got the news. The urge hit me like a ton of
bricks...kind of like the news. I've had intermittent
smoking thoughts ever since. After all, smoking was the
answer to everything for more than half my life. Am I
going to smoke? Oh hell no...I think not. What exactly
would that accomplish? I'll tell you what....nothing good.
It'd renew an addiction I've fought tooth and nail to
vanquish. It'd disappoint my parents, my siblings, my
husband, my kids, my friends....and most of all, myself.
Smoking is not the answer anymore. I've learned better,
healthier ways to deal with my stress. Sucking 4000
poisons into my lungs can only make things worse.
Deanna
d731=2 YEARS!!!!

shelly