The crazy world of me
2005-08-20 22:32:38 (UTC)


hey everybody!! i don't know what it is about Ricky but
he can make me cum so hard. its not just when having sex
with him either. just thinking about having sex with him
makes me cum hard too. i have the best orgasms with him
and when thinking about him. i don't know what it is but
he makes me so horny. he feels so good in between my legs
and i just think about that and all the other ways he fucks
me and it just make me so horny. i don't know. i think
about having sex with him a lot and the things i just want
to do to him sometimes but i don't because i am not sure
how he will react. not like weird shit but like for an
example sometimes when we are walking downstairs together i
just want to push him up against the wall and start sucking
his dick and then fuck him either in the chair or on the
table but like here recently he has a girlfriend so i try
to not mess with him. and i just don't know how i would
react if he was like Michelle no. i have had sex with him
though since he got his new girlfriend and i kind of feel
bad for it but then i don't. i feel bad because i wouldn't
want it to be done to me but i seriously just cant control
myself with him. he just makes me give in because i know i
for real want it that bad. i have no self control with him
when it comes to that. plus i love him, i always will. i
am not going to even lie to myself about it. i mean i am
not sure i would want a relationship with him but i do love
him and its not like a person would love a family member
its like real love. here recently we have just been so
good for each other. being there for each other and just
talking and getting along. of course we have are arguments
but we just look pass them. its like we love each other to
much to let little shit get in the way. i have never been
able to stay mad at him though. its so weird though its
like we get along ten times better as friends. i think
that is why i don't know if i would want to have a
relationship with hi because i am scared that things will
change again if were not just friends. plus i really cant
do the long distance thing. i guess i could but i would
want to be able to be with him more than once a month that
we would get a chance to see each other. it would be
different if he was like a hour or a hour and a half away
because i would drive that far to see him. i mean even now
were not going out and i want to see him. i miss him so
much. it sucks. why am i starting to feel for him again
when he has a girlfriend. i am not even sure how he feels
about her but i am not going to talk about that because
that's not something i should let other people know even
though none of you guys know him. i don't know. i will
always have thoughts of him and want to have sex with him.
we just have the greatest sex. they say that most women
don't have an orgasm every time they have sex but almost
every time I have sex with him I have an orgasm. The only
times I normally don't is when we do quickies but even
sometimes then I do. Times when him and I haven't had sex
in a long time I can have an orgasm almost instantly when
he sticks it in. it feels so damn good. i am so scared to
even start a relationship with anyone period because i am
not ready to be hurt. i mean nobody is ever ready to be
hurt but i just don't think i can take it right now because
when i am in a relationship i put everything into it. its a
main focus so when it all comes crashing down it gets to me
big time. i met this new guy Matt and he is really cool
and i kind of like him but i for real don't know him that
well. i mean tomorrow will mark the day that i have known
him for a week. he is just trying to move with things so
quick and i am just not ready for that and he doesn't
understand. we will probably end up just being friends. i
for real just want someone who just wants to spend time
together. not like overbearingly though. i don't know.
before shit got bad i told Keith and Jake i had a feeling
all shit was about to hit the fan and it did. well, i
really get the feeling good things are going to happen soon
for me so i hope my feeling is correct. my feelings about
things usually are right which is kind of weird so well
see. i have been a lot happier though lately for no
reason. i am going to go though. peace kids.