La Vida Mia
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2005-08-18 14:48:26 (UTC)

August 18, 2005

well i moved. sometimes i think its ok but most of the
time i think its the worst mistake ive ever made. i guess
its the "mature" thing to do, i guess. anyway so life is
boring, but on the upside, my new best friend in iowa is
moving here, and that is AWESOME! i really like hanging
out with him. hes moving in with a friend of his and i
met her the other day and shes pretty awesome too. this
is going to be a very good development for my life.

as far as the dude, well hes been jerking me around, i
feel. hes calls me on a pretty regular basis to talk and
hits me up online, whenever he sees me. then he makes
plans with me and eventually breaks them. im not sure
what thats about. ive never been treated so poorly by a
friend and had them remain a friend in my life. im not
sure what his appeal for me is. ? id like to think he
likes be, i hope that he does, but hes kinda "iffy" in
that i dont really know.

the other day i was up late and wanted sex and he was up
so i messaged him but he was hesistant to come over, he
smelled like smoke and was tired. i was like itll only
take 10 minutes and still he hesitated, talking about how
he didnt know if it was a good idea, sounded like trouble,
he didnt know if he could handle any more heart-ache and i
was like WTF? heart-ache? he must be refering to
indigestion. the only one with heart-ache has been/is
me. then i almost had him over and i stupidly admitted
that it was trouble and then he was like well if you admit
its trouble then we shouldnt. in retrospect im glad he
didnt come over. it would have been fantastic to see him
again but it was the right choice and im glad he made it
and didnt cave.

so yeah, he keeps making plans and then has to break
them. first off, i hope hes not doing it because hes a
pysco, but who would do that. i wouldnt waste my time
jerking someone around if i didnt like them. i hope its
just a series of bad coincidences otherwise hes an asshole
and im an idiot.

i like to pretend that he keeps trying to avoid hanging
out because he doesnt want to fall in love with me again
so he puts it off knowing what will happen. but thats
what i like to pretend. yupe, im an idiot alright.

back to work damnit!