Dear Diary
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2005-08-17 03:09:56 (UTC)

It's been awhile!

Wow I it's been a long time since I have last submitted an
entry so we'll see how it goes for now on. I started
school last Wednesday, my Senior year and it kinda sucks.
I mean this is the last time I will be with the same
people I have been with since Headstart.. It's hard and
not ever really seeing your friends at school like you
used to is hard to, everyone is so busy with school and
work it's crazy. Yesterday was an interesting day! About 2
months ago BJ started visting me at work all the time,
which was cool cuz I haven't talked to him in like 3 years
and we've known each other since 3rd grade. Then about 3
weeks ago he asks for my number and we start talking
everyday for like 2 weeks for hours!! It was great! We got
along great and talked about everything... But he had a
girlfriend of 2 years and things were getting bad with
them and I just listened to him when he would talk about
it. Everyone told him he should break up with her and then
he'd be a lot happier.. While he was still going out with
Jennifer he would tell me how he would love to date me if
him and Jennifer broke up. Well last Wednesday they broke
up and Friday BJ and I hung out for along time. It was
great! We had soo much fun! And we just rode around town
and attempted to go mudding and sat on his tailgate and
then b4 he took me home we made-out! We had so much fun,
and I realized everything we done and how he was with me
was exactly what I was wanting in a guy. But part of me
didn't want him because of stuff I have heard but then
again I couldn't hold him to all of that when I didn't
know for sure if it was true and some of it he told me and
said he learned from his mistakes, which was good, if it
was true. Well then Saturday he called to tell me he was
having "family problems" and didn't know if we could talk
as much that day. Well that night after I got off work I
called him to see if he was ok and he said he couldn't
talk long and that he was thinking of moving out and that
he thought Friday night we moved to fast and that he
needed to get his "act together" (whatever that meant). So
I was like ok. Then Monday at school I saw him and
Jennifer holding hands.. They had gotten back together!!
And he keeps advoiding me! And the thing is I'm not mad
that he and Jennifer are back together it's just that
after all the long talks and everything else he couldn't
just call me and tell me that he cares to much for her and
can't just throw it all away when they might be able to
work it out and I would have understood, I mean yes I
would have been upset but I would have been ok! But
instead he doesn't tell me anything! I'm just hurt that he
couldn't tell me. I mean we at least had a good friendship
b4 we took it a step further for 2 days but he ruined
that! And that's how come I'm soo upset. And I can't stop
thinking about him.. I'm sure I'll get over it in a day or
2 but it still is bothering me, and I can't talk to anyone
about it because not many people new. It's just really
hard. I feel like he played me and that's what I went
through with Matt. I don't want to go threw it again but I
guess you really never have a choice... I just really wish
BJ would comfront me and talk to me about it and I would
be just fine but he won't ever do that! Maybe it's because
he thinks I'm mad at him and will chew his ass but what I
think I'm going to do is smile and wave at him when I see
him to show him that I'm not mad and it's cool.. Then
hopefully he will talk to me and then I won't yell at him
I will just tell him how I feel. Tell him how he played
me. And ask him why he even bothered with me, he knew him
and Jennifer would get back together if they ever broke up
and I told him that when they did break up but he didn't
agree with me and now look.. They're back together! I just
hope I can move past this really really soon!

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