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2005-08-17 01:12:48 (UTC)

why can't I deny Dave? Shawn and Rick.......

2005-03-26 19:31:36 (GMT)

why can't I deny Dave? Shawn and Rick.......

so after I wrote lastnight davey came over drunk as shit
and of course whenever davey is drunk hes a flippen horn
ball and was all over me, I didnt feel right about it but
yet I still fucked around with him, he makes me so mad!!!

He found out I had a BF and was still fucking with me, I
think he was alittle pissed actually, he seemed rather put
out to hear that, well fuck dave he had his chance, I
guess though since I still seem to fuck around with others
that I cant posibly be IN LOVE with shawn, I love him, I
dont want anyone else, I wouldnt go as far as to fuck
someone else, I guess I just want the affection, I miss
cuddling and kissing and flirting, I absoulutly positivly
miss Shawn, I want him near me always, he keeps calling me
today, ive talked with him 4 times, I love it when he
calls me hate it when he doesnt, hate to call him, hate to
hear his voice and know hes so damn far away and that I
wont be able to see him till who knows when, he's tryingto
reasure me that he can afford to support both me and
kaylee that he doesnt have a problom with it... I dont
know, he got my letter and the hershys kiss thing today,
actually it was yesterday but he didnt check his mail, he
was like thats so sweet, thank you baby...... LOL I think
hes funny
Now Rick..... I dont know what to do about rick, I guess I
have one long distance boyfriend, I really like rick, hes
fun to talk to, hed be cool to hang out with, but I think
I dont know actally, the way hes putting his messages out
implys that he wants to be with me, that he reallly likes
me, hes talking about comming here to see me, i dont know
what to do about this.... I have shawn, I love shawn.. I

like rick, I want to hang out with him, want to cuddle and
everything, hes so I just dont know how to explain
it.... He called me his girlfriend... sorta is how he
put it, so what now? I dont want him pissed at me I love
rick in a i dont know anything but the computer
personality kind of way and I dont want him mad at me
becouse i really miss when hes not online, I would really
hate it if he was pissed at me, but if it came down to
choosing between him and shawn I would have to say shwan,
wouldnt I? Im so confused with this whole thing, what
got me into this situation in the first place, how do I
always manage to get lost in these complicated matters?
Shawn is my other half, litterly, he is almost exactly
like me with enough diffrences to make it right, Rick on
the other hand???? I really dont know much about him
execpt he makes me laugh, I enjoy talking to him, he has a
quirky side to him that reminds me of both myself and my
brother, He makes me wish I had met him sooner, had
actaully learned this much about him before I met shawn, I
dont know if hes serious or fucking with me as a pass time
or what.... I hate that, why cant i undserstand guys Why
cant I understand this, is he fucking with me too?
Im lost again
skrewed up in the head
damnit Rick you suck!

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