slave jess

Journal of Joels slave
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2005-08-16 21:53:17 (UTC)

sub diary 16-08-05


i had a chat to Master yesterday. i was rude and
disrespectful. i never once address Master correctly. i was
hurting and like a spoilt child i took it out on Master. i
am feeling isolated. i have family problems. i am confused
as to the way i am thinking. i am not sure of my role as a
slave. i understand that i must not question my Master's
motives and this runs into me accepting all things. i
confuse my vanilla life with my slave life. how can i
accept things without question from Master but i question
everything lately in my vanilla life. i do things for
Master openly and willingly but i am now expecting a
positive reaction when i do things for others. i feel i am
being selfish expecting something in return.

i chatted with Master again today. my thoughts are no
clearer. my house is filled with people who want everything
from me but arent willing to give anything back. Master
asked me many soul searching questions. it made me think. i
also had a problem with my collar Master gave me. as anyone
who reads my diary would know, my collar currently is a
dress is a gold chain with a gold heart with an
emerald & diamond chips in it. to the layman it is a nice
piece of jewellery but to me it means i belong to my
Master. it is my public display of His ownership. one of my
relations asked to borrow it to wear to a function. when i
refused they didnt take it well. in fact i was called names
for my selfishness. nothing can make me lend it to another.

i had chat program problems and dropped out on Master & my
chat a couple times. last time i didnt try to come back as
i had to find something to eat for dinner as my fellow
housemates ate it all also Master had to clean out his car.
must have been too many burger wrappers and cola cans. :P

slave jessica {MJ}

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