sara

daddy's little time bomb
2005-08-15 05:23:00 (UTC)

.h.o.l.d.

email from mandy:
i muss u. i listened to underoath today and i started
crying. i wish u didn't hate me anymore.
are u doing okay? how is everything with you and tanner? i
seriously am worried about you and i just wish u would talk
to me. honestly, i feel lost without you. i love you.

my reply:
i put my underoath cd away for now.
i dont hate you.
tanner and i havent talked much.
there is nothing to worry about
i am talking to you.

c ya

-was that rude? i suppose so reading over it again and
again. it just gets colder and colder. but i have no one
anymore who understands me. krista never did. scott never
did. mandy never did. no one did.

i knew that's how it would be. with krista i played it
safe and back stabbed her because i love her and shes so
weak. she needed to be stronger and i needed the pain she
made me feel to go the fuck away.

scott never did. i held on to the hope that i had which
eventually made me choke on all the memories im holding on
to. i dont feel like talking to him but i dont fell like
letting go. i dont feel like holding on to him but i dont
know if should know. i love him deep down in my heart i do.
somewhere in there i love him. i think.

mandy im sorry but she is a compulsive liar and i am not
going to let her be my match. no way will i let her bring
me down. yes i've loved her more than anyone. yes she meant
alot to me. sure i confused blindness with trust. but i
wont be one of the others who just falls back in to the
cycle of her lies all over again. im sorry but i just wont
do it. she lied to me about something so important.
something i care so much about. just to fucking get thin.
well fuck all that shit. yeah just fucking forget
everything i ever loved about her. when i say people get
one chance i fucking mean it so whatever.

tanner tried to call me yesterday and it never ringed. fuck
fuck fuck. i miss him so much, i wonder if he has done
anything with other girls. that would make me sad. way sad.
but i guess if he did it would all just end in flames. the
way i expected everything to be. thats how it always has
been what would ever change it?

bob said he really does love me...whats that supposed to
mean? and that he cant wait to see me. i dont want to see
him or anyone. maybe tanner or ash. yeah. but not bob. he
doesnt REALLy love me sorry to say but that is a bunch of
bs. and if it isnt i hvae under estimated him which i will
apologize for before hand. i apologze. wow i just totally
contradicted myself.

i miss evan he was online today and i missed it and...damn.
i love him

candice went back to montana.




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