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~ I know you say, maybe someday, i need never be alone ~
bleh.. why do my relationships always have to be so
complicated.. why can't i just meet someone, fall in love
and live happily ever after.. but no.. that would be too
simple wouldn't it.. instead i'm put through this pain,
this heartache, this torture..
yeah, ok.. its Chloe.. the girl i mentioned briefly in
my last entry back in may.. thing is.. i think i've fallen
for her.. no, i know i have. She makes me so happy you
know.. happier than i ever thought i could be. I miss her
so much when she's not around and i get jealous when she
gets attention from other girls.. i know it stupid.. i'm
not even allowed to be bothered, she's not my girlfriend,
she can do what she likes.. but i am bothered.. some girl
will flirt with her and i'll instantly be in a mood, it
kills me but i'd never show it.. i act 'cool' around her..
back off for a bit and vow that i'll leave her to her life
cause i obviously mean nothing to her, but it never
happens.. i can't just leave her to it..i can't. She'll say
she misses me, wins me round.. or i'll just need to speak
to her again.. it hurts too much not to. Thing is, she's
always gonna get attention.. she's awesome and so
beautiful.. its only a matter of time before someone else
realises it and she becomes theirs.. it sucks. It's
the 'Ella' situation all over again but Clo's different..
she doesn't mess with my feelings, mind fuck me. She hurts
me but its not her fault.. it hurts because i can't ever be
with her.. despite me wanting to.. wanting to baaaadly.
"And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight"
Teh Goo Goo Dolls - Iris
I feel trapped.. i love her so fuckin much.. but when i
talk to her i'm contstantly reminded of how fantastically
awesome she is, how strong my feelings are for her, so then
i try not to talk to her so much but it hurts, i miss her.
I want her to make everything ok again.. It hurts so much.
I don't know what to do anymore..