*Mad World*.
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2005-08-11 22:27:33 (UTC)

she told me that she had a gun, said she wants to use it on me.. has been all but easy...I found out a few weeks
ago that Eric cheated on me with Shandra and Ari. Thats
pretty gross considering both girls are fat and Ari has the
grossest face in the whole world. I dont know how he could
do such a thing like that. I mean I trusted him so much,
he never lied to me, and I thought he would never cheat on
me or make me feel bad. Boy was I wrong. Everything for
the past month or two has been lies. Everything..But I do
give him credit for coming out and telling me, but jeez
whats wrong with me?! Just because I wont have sex with
him? Thats really sad..and I mean its not like he didn't
get anything..I give him everything else he ever wants, but
apparently I wasn't good enough. Now hes trying to get me
back..Or so he says. Hes not trying very hard and I dont
understand why. Am I really that bad of a girlfriend? Am
I ugly? fat? something..I wish someone would actually
come out and tell me whats wrong with me..seriously..its
very sad. but anywayz..I told him things would never be
the way they use to be, nothing could ever bring those
times back..ever..I think thats the part that bugs me the
most. Whenever we go to have sex I'll see Ari, whenever I
look into his eyes, I'll see Ari..just everything. I know
I wont be able to look at her at school without punching
her, and thats gonna get me in a lot of trouble..I saw her
at the fair a few weeks ago and I just about punched her
there. I couldn't take it, seeing her fat body and her fat
tits, and her gross, pizza face. I just want to kill
her..And you think he would have learned after Shandra..I
mean shes extremely fat, and he got sloppy seconds, not
mentioning he had to be the bitch. Then a few nights later
here comes Ari who spreads her legs to everyone. She
hopped in his jeep and away they went to have sex. Her and
her huge mole on her leg. Thats gross..And then they said
it was an accident!! How is that possible, he just
happened to have a boner and she jumped on him?! I mean
really..come up with a better story then that..Well I hated
Ari before but that was only because she was a poser and I
hated the way she treated Melissa..Melissas cool and Ari
took her for all she was worth and that just pisses me
off. I just want to forget about that whole thing..I
really wish it never just plain sucks
Now on to the Ryan Timm aspect of the story. Hes been
there whenever I needed someone to talk to. And now he
says he likes me, but I dont like him, and I'm leading him
on. I mean he didn't want me back when I wanted him, and
now he thinks that he can come back and have me..It doesn't
work that way..He talks shit about Eric, Eric talks shit
about him. They both want to kick the shit outta the other
one, so I'm waiting for them to dual..And ever since that
whole incident its like every little thing makes me wanna
just start bawling...and most of the time I do..which is
embarrasing b/cuz my mom has to always be there, and she
has to some how rub it in that I have a shitty life, then
tell the rest of the family how shitty my life is and
what "problems" I'm having.Life is just shitty..People are
dying to live, and it just feels like I"m living to die..