The First Tear

TEars: Good and Bad
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2005-08-10 07:25:43 (UTC)

Feelin' Down on Myself

Dear Diary

Well, I"m really REALLY feeling down on myself. I"m not
pretty enough. I'm too fat. I'm not right. I dunno. Amanda
cut her hair and now she's like really pretty. Grayson(my
new roomie) is so fuckin' skinny and pretty that I can't
believe it. I'm just realizing how awful I look. How I"ve
always looked. I realize my friends think I'm a bitch, I'm
ugly, and my own boyfriend is tired of me. What have I done
to get to this point? Why have I changed so much? Why am I
a bitch? I don't think I am..I mean..I don't try to be. I
dunno. I'm horrid and ugly. My teath are yellow no matter
what I do...my acne is horrid..my boods are too damn big!
I"M FAT! Nothing is what I wish it was. Why can't I be
pretty? Why couldn't I have been one of the lucky ones? Why
did I get stuck with my life, my looks, and my everything?
Why? I know, I"m just having pity on myself but, dammit,
I'm really deppressed! I wish I could cut. Oh I wish! It
would make me feel better...yet worse. Another SCAR to add
to my collection! There's no way out!

Except.......no! I won't think that way. I can't. My life
is ahead of me. Or is it? Have the best times come and
gone. Everyone says your high school years are the best
years of your life. I hope not or my life will SUCK! If
so..what the point? What is the point? I don't see it.

I need to go and quit talking like this or I'm gonna go
slash my arms.

Ashley


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