Completely Incomplete

Letting Go Is All I've Held Onto
2005-08-10 02:56:08 (UTC)

Wants ...

My hurt is reflected,
In the mirror of your eyes.
A single tear falls,
Once again you cry.


How can I go on like this?
It's not an easy job, crying every night ... Having the
burden, of pretending everything is perfect.

Ignoring my own wants for the wants of others ...

Escape ... WHY CAN'T I HAVE WHAT I WANT?!

They don't want me to have pills. I don't want to look in
the mirror ... and see that ugly thing ... that horrible
wretched ... unbarable creature ...

Fuck it all ... This is life? This is murder.
Killing me slowly ... Why take your time?
I'll kill my god damned self faster then any pill could ...

I can't stand this ... I can't stand the pain.

I'm weak. I'm pathetic ... I can't take the little burdens
of life.

I was sexually harrassed. Once of my best freinds, and a
great man, is dead. Someone is dead because of me. Someone
is injured because of me. People are emotionally scarred,
because of me. People are worrying themselves sick right
now ... BECAUSE OF ME!

I can't take it anymore ...
I'm just a kid ...

Though, compared to many others ... My life is fucking
perfect ...

I'm just a whiner. I guess this is what it's come down
to ...

Why should I care? Why should I focus on people telling me
my life is good compared to some? Has anyone ever been in
my shoes? Have they ever lived my life? Have they ever
gone through what I have?

If they are a fourteen year old girl, going through the
exact same problems with the exact same people ... Then
and only then they can judge my life!

I have yet to meet a person who can judge my life!!!!

I HATE ME! Running from myself again ... Petty sedation!
Look at me? Who could ever love this horrible being ...

Fuck it.


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