Completely Incomplete

Letting Go Is All I've Held Onto
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2005-08-04 20:44:53 (UTC)

What I need ...

I could use pills right now.
I feel terrible. Awful ...
I truly am destined to just hurt people. All I'm good for.

I try my best ... I try my best to help people out. I'm
always here for anyone if they need me. Freinds or
strangers, doesn't matter.

I fed two homeless people in Toronto. See? I try my best
to help out as many people as posible.

To cover up for my sins. I know how many people I hurt ...
it kills me to know that I hurt them like I do.

I try and make up for it ... nothing could make up for it.

Before I left for Toronto, I had another break down. I was
over welmed by everyone ...
Nik was depressed. So was Kade. And Mel, another freind of
mine, was taking sleeping pills and contimplating suicide.
I tried my best.

The analogy I heard on a LOTR movie, comes to mind.

"I feel like not enough butter scraped across too much
bread"

I felt stretched. Trying to help everyone else, and
falling apart myself.

I know how arogant this sounds. Blah.

Does it matter? Honestly ...

*Sigh* I think I will go die in my bed of pain now. All Im
good for.

No pills. No no no ... not today. I swear on it.

So I just have to live with this monsterous creature that
is ... me ... for a whole fucking day. -.-

I can do this.

(No I cant)


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