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2005-08-04 03:03:04 (UTC)

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well i rushed home and studied infront of my computer in
hopes of catching mirabai for a sec on messenger i know shes
in some place with no net access b/c other wise she would
have contacted me but its frustrating given i really went
out of my way and she did'nt tell me that she would'nt be
available today i even told her that in a email well i guess
i just wont worry about it or discuss what i was wanting to
with her then i mean really i am only house sitting and dog
sitting for them they cant't say well you could'nt go so we
had to give u somthing to do cause i can always stay at a
freinds house i get frustrated taking care of these dogs
that want to shit and piss everywhere and do all of this
other time consuming stuff with them i mean damn could you
at leadt check on your animals? well i am just bitter b/c
this is the last time i had to talk to her unless somthing
opens on fri i have gotten very attached to her more faster
than i wanted to i have studied till i can't think i better
go and make lunch/dinner for tommorow b/c it will be
another late nightg arrival doto school thats another
frustration GAS PRICES along with my 90 mile a day commute i
mean damn i am putting needless miles on my car for her
benifit not mine i can go to a place where i am within
minutes of school save money witha cheaper apt and less
travel but hell i am here i want to be here with her but not
traveling so far and spendng so much to do it i am breaking
mcy neck just to be with her nit in terms of our
realtionship but just the shear work it takes to let us be
together and for the reat of my life i will believe that she
would not do the same for me she loves me and all but i
think she would draw the line there well now that i have
gotten that off of my chest i can go have a beer and make
some grub!!!!!!!!!!!! i hope she comes around one day shes a
great girl the best that i have ever had but that idea of
going out on a limb other than sucking of handjobs could be
a prob what i have seen in her past and from what she has
told me is that she has always been the person being active
and thinking of other and she never received well i have
been there too and i am ready to drop presidences set by
others and give her a tabla rasa it can't her shes great
just that one major thing she has never had anu major probs
except for that always tiny things that were silly or stuff
that i can even ignore just sa i do silly things that she
probably ignores but when we hit Ca somthing happened she
got real lax hit autopilot and that was the last that i had
heard from her it seemed like she put in this new person
that i was'nt used to and i told her hundreds on time i want
my old mirabai back so after months of fighting it started
coming back and she has been her old self since which i
great i would just like her t fix thatg one thing and i
don't even know if she knows she does it she has done so
much except for that one thing could be that its has becoem
a permanent vestige of her former mistreatment that she
received? or my ill fated luck coming to pass trying so
dessperatly to bring this realationship to a close? no,
doubt it and certainly hope not but this a unelying somthing
and maybe it will never reasolve she sees not a difference
intime we spend running erands together and sitting in the
house doing our seperate activities and chatting on passby
to true face to face talking about whatever comes to mind no
i am not condoling forcing conversation but mereky being in
eachothers undistracted presents so dialogue can naturaly
occour and sex is a fantastic necesity (everyday)in this co