thecommonthread

The Common Thread
2005-08-03 01:00:20 (UTC)

cry me a river.

it dawned on me today how difficult this transition is going to be. let me
explain:

i spent the last couple of months nurturing one of two solid relationships that i
held at work. that one, the one that was most important, is now gone. today, i
wandered around without saying so much as an arguing word to any of the
other employees, until the other relationship clocked in at two. in my moments
of silence, i was able to examine each person who walked past me without
recognition, and could pinpoint almost the exact moment to which i let our
bond go sour. it's really depressing when you realize the solitude you've built
for yourself a minute too late.

i wanted to throw up on my clothes today. i was more nice than i have ever
been. i would even go so far as to say that i was brown-nosing. i never thought
that i would have reached that point again. i guess the difference now is that i
don't really have a choice. i can either work day in day out, miserably lonely... or
i can make nice with those whom i hate. make work a tiny bit more bearable.

what would you do?

in other news, i am starting to recognize the mechanics behind "workplace
relationships." very surface-oriented... go in, get your job done, minimal
socialization to avoid concern, leave. leave without having made enough money
to buy the groceries you just splurged on. leave without the desire to return the
following day. leave as a machine.

meeting tomorrow at 10. you don't need to come. you realized the truth
behind the trouble.

i miss you. already.




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