lonely guy

lonely guy
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2005-08-02 21:52:24 (UTC)

I am Jack's broken heart...

So...it's been...around the 3 months since jess left. im
not really sure how long it's been. But it still hurts. A
lot. And i really hate feeling this way. On one hand i
think that if she really cared about me then she wouldnt of
left me and got married less than two weeks later. but i
keep thinking about memories of me and her. There are
millions of them floating around in my head. It's funny how
i can't remember easy shit like peoples names and
such...and yet i can literally remember thousands of times
i spend holding her and what all we use to talk about. I
wish it was just another persons name to me, but its not. I
can't forget about them. And it fucking blows. Last night i
hung out w/ my friend shaggy which i havent seen in over a
year and a half. I missed the guy. And everything was going
cool. I told myself before i went over mikes house (where
everybody was at) that i was only going to drink a beer or
so and then head home early b/c i had to work this morning.
And so thats what i was doing. just sipping on a beer.
Until, my sister told me that jess might be pregnant.
Apparently their boss was doing a name thing. Astrological
bullshit. And he did ashleys name and printed it out for
her. Then he did jess and kevin's name. And then kevin
asked him to do one for. Gabriela Keith. Benny (Boss) asked
him who that was. and he said no body...yet...So...yeah.
that pretty much ruined my mood. I mean i know i shouldnt
care, but i cant help feeling...worthless i guess. I mean i
dont even feel shit anymore. I dont even cry when im sad.
Im just always sad. I think im fucking depressed or
something. lol. yeah...anyways, i ended up gettin smashed
and then me shaggy and mike branded eachother. It was my
idea. Heh..i asked kat if it was a good idea and she said
yeah...lmao. i dont think it was. I didnt really feel it or
anything, but its weird looking on my arm. we took a hanger
or something and bent it on then got it really hot and then
branded eachother with it. It's all cool though. Theres
still like 15 beers over there and some E & J. So...im
probably going to go over there tonight. Ive been dating
this girl named michelle for a couple of days. We just
started dating on the 31st. But im not sure how long its
gonig to last. It's way to early to tell. But hey, atleast
she can't hurt me. I guess thats a plus to being dead
inside. Plus...im going to college in 7 or 8 months. Ill be
like 3 and a half hours a way. And if the relationship
lasts that long, then it will probably end there. Not by
me. I'd be willing to give it a try if she would. and she
said she would if it lasted that long. but i dont really
believe it. I dont even really think that she likes me. i
think that she's just trying to either piss josh off or get
over him. That's an assholish thing to say. but, im betting
thats the truth. Anyways...I guess im going to go.
"Train roll on...many miles from my home. I'm riding my
blues babe...blues away...Now Tuesday you see...oh...she
had to be free....but somehow i've got to...carry on...my
babies gone..."