slave jess

Journal of Joels slave
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2005-08-02 10:14:18 (UTC)

sub diary 01-08-05

greetings,

this year seems to be flying past in one way & dragging in
another. i had a big week end and was looking forward to my
day off today. Master had to work so i knew Wwe wouldnt
make contact until later in the day. all day He was
constantly on my mind. wondering what He was doing. how He
was. if He was thinking of me. how His plans for the week
were going. Wwe had managed to email each other a few
times then i had to deal with a family problem. a little
upsetting but for the best. i was able to chat to Master
not long after,kind of, sorting this out. Master & i
discussed the issues i had.

Master was uncomfortable and tired so Wwe ended Oour chat a
little earlier than i would have liked. i left Master &
prepared some food for the evening meal. after an hour i
logged back in and Master was still online. at 1st i
thought He had left the program running but He couldnt get
comfortable enough to go to bed, even though he was tired.
Wwe chatted for a little while again. then i logged off to
leave Master do what ever He needed to do before going to
bed.

i have so much to learn. i reacted to Master still being
online negatively. Master was straining to chat to me Oour
first time today so i assumed He had no desire to chat with
me. i assumed He had lied about His tiredness if Master
didnt wish to chat further with me, He doesnt have to lie i
can accept that He wants time alone. my reactions are not
acceptable as a slave. i know i must not question Master
motives. i am just finding it difficult right now to
distinguish between slave & life time partner. i wish to
live 24/7 but i do feel at times there will be vanilla
mixed in with the lifestyle. i need to find the balance
here so i can accept things as a slave..things i dont
accept in every day life. i am a business owner and i
require honesty from my staff. with Master i am the staff,
He expects honesty from me but the role reversal at times
isnt easy to handle.

my mind is full of questions. so many questions and no real
answers.

i do love You Master,
slave jess {MJ}


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