bluemoon

The crazy world of me
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2005-07-30 22:47:22 (UTC)

HEALTH NO GOOD

HEY KIDS HOW IS IT GOING? THINGS HAVEN'T REALLY GOTTEN
ANY BETTER BUT YOU KNOW I MUST GO ON I GUESS. I JUST NEED
TO FOCUS AND MOTIVATE MYSELF TO GET THE THINGS I WANT. I
HAVE BEEN TRYING TO KEEP MYSELF BUSY BY DOING LITTLE SHIT
SO I DON'T SIT DOWN AND THINK ABOUT ALL THE CRAZY SHIT THAT
IS GOING ON. THIS LAST WEEK MORE CRAZY THINGS HAPPENED
THOUGH. NOT NECESSARILY TO ME BUT PEOPLE THAT I AM CLOSE
TO SO IT DID EFFECT ME. MY FRIEND LINDSEY HAD A
MISCARRIAGE AND I WENT UP TO THE HOSPITAL WITH HER. I
TRIED ACTING STUPID AND STUFF TO MAKE HER LAUGH AND TAKE
HER MIND OFF OF IT BECAUSE THAT WHAT I WISH I HAD SOMEONE
TO DO FOR ME WHEN I WAS GOING THROUGH THAT SHIT. SHE SAID
IT REALLY HELPED HAVING ME THERE SO I WAS HAPPY ABOUT
THAT. I JUST KNOW HOW SHITTY THINGS CAN BE FEELING AT THE
POINT IN LIFE. THEN A COUPLE DAYS LATER WE FOUND OUT THAT
HER BABIES DADDY WAS ABUSING HER SON. I FLIPPED OUT WHEN I
FOUND OUT. LIKE IT WAS MY KID OR SOMETHING. THAT'S MY
LITTLE BUDDY SO I WAS SO UPSET. HE LOOKED HORRIBLE TOO.
HIS DAD KEPT SAYING HE DIDN'T DO SHIT BUT THAT IS A BUNCH
OF BULLSHIT BECAUSE WHAT HE IS SAYING HAPPENED WOULDN'T
HAVE LEFT THAT MUCH DAMAGE. PLUS DYLAN SAID HIS DAD HIT
HIM ON THE FACE WITH A BELT. HE LOOKS LIKE HE HAS BELT
MARKS ALL OVER HIM AND HE HAS THESE GASHES IN HIS HEAD LIKE
THEY COULD BE FROM A BELT BUCKLE OR SOMETHING. ITS A
FUCKED UP SITUATION.
I DID GO TO THE DOCTOR ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED THE OTHER DAY
TO ME. HE SAID HE IS PRETTY SURE IT WAS AN ANXIETY
ATTACK. HE WANTED ME TO GO HAVE SOME TEST RAN BUT I DON'T
HAVE MONEY LIKE THAT SO I HAVEN'T ONCE I GET A JOB AND SHIT
I WILL GO AND GET EVERYTHING TAKEN CARE OF AND SHIT. I AM
JUST TRYING TO RELAX BECAUSE I AM STILL HAVING CHEST PAINS
OFF AND ON.
I ALSO JUST FOUND OUT THAT MY DAD MY HAVE TO HAVE SURGERY
AGAIN. THE LAST TIME THEY SAID THAT HE ENDED UP NOT HAVING
TO HAVE IT BUT THIS TIME MY DAD SAID HE IS PRETTY SURE ITS
A GO. IT SCARES ME BECAUSE I DON'T WANT HIM TO DIE AND THE
LAST TIME HE HAD SURGERY THEY SAID THEY WEREN'T SURE HE
WOULD MAKE IT THROUGH IT. I DON'T WANT HIM TO DIE. HE
KEEPS TALKING ABOUT IT TOO AS IF HE IS TRYING TO SAY HE
DON'T THINK HE CAN HOLD ON ANYMORE.
THEN MY SISTER MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING WRONG WITH HER SPINAL
CORD. ITS JUST NOT A GOOD TIME HEALTH WISE FOR MY FAMILY.
ITS LIKE EVERYDAY SOMETHING NEW IS SAID ABOUT SOME MEMBER
OF THE FAMILY. LIKE MY BROTHER THAT IS IN JAIL WAS HAVING
CHEST PAINS AND THEY SAID THE DID A TEST AND HE HAD AN
IRREGULAR HEARTBEAT AND ALL THIS OTHER SHIT. I JUST DONA
UNDERSTAND. HOPEFULLY EVERYONE COME OUT OKAY. I DONA NEED
ANYMORE DEATHS. IT AS HARD ENOUGH WITH MY UNCLE AND WE FOR
REAL WEREN'T THAT CLOSE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO
RIGHT NOW IF I LOST SOMEONE THAT CLOSE LIKE MY DAD, BROTHER
OR SISTER. WELL, I AM GOING TO GO FOR NOW. PEACE KIDS!!


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