2005-07-28 09:14:44 (UTC)

Its to dark to sleep, sometimes..

Its to dark to sleep, sometimes i wonder if the dark wont
swallow me like something that was never reallie there,
make me dissapear like a ghost. I wonder if they would even
notice if they would even care.
im doing pretty good this week so far mind you its only
thursday morning 2:58 to be exact and how quickly things
seem to turn around.i only cut 21 times this week and not
as deep. im trying to quite i want to but it just seems so
hard but im getting better reallie i am. Danielle is
reallie helping, she understands me and i dont know why. i
feel like no one knows me anymore, ive drifted apart from
everyone. Richelle is my best friend in the world and i
wish i could talk to her but the truth is lately i find it
hard to talk to her. i want to tell her all the thoughts i
have inside all the things i feel and most of all i want to
tell her that i feel like im dieing insisde, i want to tell
her about ian i want her to be there for me like she use to
i want things to be like they use to but that will never
happen not now not after everything. things just arent the
same i cant talk to her im afraid that she wont understand
and i know she wont understand about Ian, she doesnt even
want to hear anything about him. i tried to talk to her
about him a couple times lately but i cant it ended p with
her saying she doesnt have any sympathy for me and that she
told me so, i never asked for her sympathy in the first
place and i didnt need to hear i told you so, i just need a
friend that i could talk to someone that could tell me it
would be alright or even just someone i could sit with and
cry. Ian and Danielle are dating now, im happy for them
reallie i am. they make eachother happy and thats what they
both deserve... to be happy. its hard though, to see him
and her to see them... together. i miss him, but i guess
that doesnt reallie matter does it he doesnt miss me hes
over me, he was over me a long time ago possible the moment
he ended it. but it makes me wonder if that is true then
why did he leave me hanging on for so long, im not going to
do this again im not going to be his second choice his
quick fix not anymore. yeah like thats gunna happen i love
him i dont know why after all the times he has hurt me but
i do. well i guess thats it for tonight
As Always: Meagan