Withered Rose

...Ashes, ashes, they all fall DOWN...
2005-07-27 14:01:35 (UTC)

It Is Out of My Hands

It's out of my hands

Spend so many moments in a day
Worrying about what others think
Driving myself crazy for no reason
As it is not possible to know
What someone else is thinking

(It's out of my hands)

I can never know what another thinks about me
Purely by being told something he thought
Given that he may very well be holding back
Sparing me of feelings I already hold within
[When will this lunacy end?]

(It's out of my hands)

No control over what another thinks about me
Cause, in the end, they're going to think what they think
Most likely there will be nothing I can do about it
What really drives me crazy is wondering
If I have just reason for this bruising inside
Are the things they say to my face in fact lies?
Each time it seems they're merely saying it to be nice

(It's out of my hands)

Rather than wasting my time,
I should work on what I think of myself
After all, that's what it is really about�
(What I think of myself�)
I just wanted to hear the truth
the words spoken aloud often can be trusted not
I wanted to know the reality, and yet I squirm
In view of the fact that it may very well hurt me
I can't shape others' impressions of me,
most especially when I don't know
what those impressions may truthfully be
Not one bit, honestly, I have no idea what they think of me,
or if they by any means pay attention to me
And I hate being so clueless
Nevertheless, I am stuck with me
So I better get used to just being my best
Since I cannot control the rest

(It's out of my hands)

©
.....withered..rose........

From: "Fluffy Chunks" [email protected]��
To: me [email protected]
Subject: Part of journal entry

A small rant I made in the journal thingy-
"And now it's time to get out all the various thoughts floating
around in my head before it implodes.
All of the characters in Eva were...fragile. They were
messed up,
they were weak. That is what made them all so interesting and
compelling, perfection is boring. What makes them weak? All of
them relied on others for their self image, for their
happiness. None
of them relied on themselves. They all had low self-esteem and
hated themselves. I have never experienced this for myself,
so like
usual all I can really do is speculate, but that's fun.
Sure, I've been
angry at myself before and felt guilt and anger aimed at
myself, but
only temporarily. I have never hated myself. I've never
really hated
anyone if I think about it. I've been angry at people, but
never real
hatred. I've only felt toward people something that is to
hatred as a
"crush" is to love. It wasn't anything deep, I didn't really
know them
that well.
A lot of people take their emotions too far, they let them
get out of
control. They let their emotions control them rather than
staying in
control of their emotions. That is weak. Others have no love for
themselves so they desire nothing more than the love/praise of
those around them. This makes them fragile because they care
far
too much about what other people think of them and not nearly
enough about what they think of themselves. Others can love you
when you hate yourself, but you will never be able to trust
this love
or be able to understand it until you love yourself as well.
Emotions
are very important, they give us our morality, most likely.
If you let
your emotions get out of control, however, they are just as
likely to
destroy your morality.
Your happiness must be based in yourself, and complimented by
the things around you. If you base your happiness in objects or
people then the base could be removed at any time and there is
little you can do about it. If your happiness is based
within your
own self-image though, your own mind, you have control over it.
You can protect it. If it is taken away you were probably
killed at the
same time so it doesn't really matter if it's gone since you
are too.
Perception is huge. I think people could be happy in any
situation,
some situations just make it very hard, maybe
near-impossible to
be happy, while other situations make it very easy to be
happy. It's
all a matter of the mentality you have about the world
around you,
how you perceive both the world and yourself. Alot of it is
probably
chance too. If bad things happen continually it will
eventually wear
most anyone down. Everyone has their own situation that they
must deal with, their own life. The best you can do is do
your best
to make it as pleasent of alife as possible.

And this was the first comment left on the entry-
'I've always found fragility, like that of an untuned piano,
to be
rather beautiful...

yet sometimes in people i find that same fragilty as
desperate, and
ugly...'"




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