bluemoon

The crazy world of me
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2005-07-27 07:39:34 (UTC)

SCARED

HEY GUYS!! SO TODAY WAS A CRAZY DAY. IT SEEMS LIKE IT
IS ONE AFTER ANOTHER. SO I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT
HAPPENED I JUST REMEMBER RICKY AND I WERE FIGHTING AND THEN
WE WERE MAKING UP AND I WAS HAVING REALLY BAD CHEST PAINS
AND I COULDN'T BREATH. IT WAS THE WEIRDEST, SCARIEST
THING. I WAS LYING THERE AND I HEARD RICKY BIT I COULDN'T
RESPOND AT ONE POINT. LIKE EVERYTHING WAS DARK AND I
COULDN'T MOVE MY BODY OR OPEN MY EYES BUT I COULD HEAR
EVERYTHING AND I JUST KEPT THINKING OH MY GOSH WHAT'S
HAPPENING. IT WAS SO CRAZY. AFTER I GOT BACK TO NORMAL
BREATHING THE WHOLE LEFT SIDE OF MY BODY FELT WEIRD. IT
WENT BACK TO NORMAL EVENTUALLY. MY MOM WANTED TO GO TO THE
HOSPITAL BUT ANOTHER DOCTOR BILL IS THE LAST THING I NEEDED
AND TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH I DON'T WANT TO KNOW IF THERE IS
SOMETHING WRONG. I WAS THROWING UP BLOOD AND EVERYTHING.
I THINK IT IS STRESS OR SOMETHING. I DON'T KNOW. SO RICKY
JUST WENT AND GOT MY MOM AND JUST LEFT. I DON'T KNOW HOW I
AM SUPPOSED TO TAKE THAT. THE THING THAT UPSETS ME MORE IS
HE HASN'T EVEN CALLED TO SEE IF I AM OKAY. WOULDN'T THAT
BE THE NORMAL THING TO DO? I GUESS HE DON'T WANT HIS
GIRLFRIEND TO GET MAD. NORMAL PEOPLE WOULD UNDERSTAND
UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES BUT I GUESS NOT. I THOUGHT HE
CARED BUT THIS KIND OF MAKES ME THINK HE DON'T. WHY HASN'T
HE CALLED???????????? HE SAID HIS GIRLFRIEND THINKS THAT
THE REASON I AM TELLING HIM MY PROBLEMS IS BECAUSE I AM
TRYING TO GET HIM BACK AND THAT'S BULLSHIT. I MEAN I STILL
DO HAVE FEELINGS FOR HIM, I ALWAYS WILL BUT I DON'T WANT TO
BE BACK WITH HIM. I JUST WANT HIM AS A FRIEND BECAUSE HE
IS FOR REAL THE ONLY PERSON I HAVE RIGHT NOW. HE PROBABLY
THINKS IT TOO. I WONT EVER PUT MYSELF IN A RELATIONSHIP
LIKE THAT AGAIN AND GETTING BACK WITH HIM WOULD BE EXACTLY
WHAT I WOULD BE DOING. THINGS WOULD BE OKAY AT FIRST BUT
IT WOULD GO BACK TO HOW IT WAS. I KNOW IT. I WILL NEVER
PUT MYSELF IN THE UNHAPPY SITUATION EVER AGAIN WITH HIM.
I'LL SAVE THAT FOR THE NEXT NICE GUY I MEET THAT IS REALLY
AN ASSHOLE. OH WELL, I AM GOING TO TRY TO GO BACK TO
SLEEP I GUESS.


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