slave jess

Journal of Joels slave
2005-07-26 09:37:43 (UTC)

sub diary 25-07-05

greetings,

today i hoped to talk with Master. it was His sunday and He
needed to work. if things went well then Wwe would have
been able to talk. Master worked later than He first
thought He would but He emailed me and He did try to ring
my cell phone to let me know He was on His way home. i
missed the call as i was outside. i had to wait for
repairmen to arrive to fix the hotwater.

Master & i chatted and Wwe discussed a few things that have
been on my mind lately. i am still a little uneasy with
what i was thinking but Master reassured me that as i grow
more into this lifestlye it is normal for these kinds of
thoughts and worries. i have a fear that i am becoming
someone i dont wish to be. Master again reassured me.
during this chat i was regularly interupted with the
arrival and questions of the repairmen. Master was so
tolerant towards these constant interuptions, sometimes
without me explaining before the long pauses at His end.

i have so much to learn and right now the biggest thing is
that my Master is there for me at all times. i have felt
that i needed to talk about a few things that have been
happening in my life but i told Master that it was fine and
that Wwe could discuss it another time. so instead of
sharing this with Master so He wouldnt be burdened, i took
my deep fears and worries away with me. and like a parasite
they feasted and grew until i feel i am overwhelmed and out
of control of everything.

there is something that i wish Master to help me with but
again i failed to follow through. it is something that i
feel that Master & i need complete privacy and time for.
this was not possible tonight. it is a need that is growing.
at times i have felt that kneeling in the shower, the water
as hot as i can bear, raining down over me does help me but
even that was not possible tonight as the water didnt heat
up until after midnight & then i wasnt the only one waiting
to shower.

i am not sure what is wrong with me & why i am feeling like
this.

i love You Master
regards
slave jess {MJ}




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