Eyes4Guys

Personal hell & back again
2005-07-24 00:57:24 (UTC)

A little concerned

I am now 19 weeks along, but I haven't felt Gabriel kick
yet. I mean, c'mon Thursday is 20 weeks (the halfway point
in pregnancy although most people don't make it past 36
weeks), shouldn't I have felt something by now?

I've been experiencing heartburn lately, it was bad for
about 2 days, which wasn't too alarming. I was wondering
if I would experience it or not. I've never gone through
something like that, and it was a shock to me. The burning
wasn't a big deal, but it didn't seem typical. I thought
it was suppose to burn from your stomach to your chest,
but it burned only in one spot, right over my heart. I'm
thinking, 'heh, no wonder they call it heartburn' and that
was ok a while. But then this sensation hit, it was like
someone had me up against a wall and was purposely pushing
my breastbone inwards. That pressure made it especially
hard to breathe, so taking deep breaths was killer. But I
felt as though if I didn't, I would pass out just from the
lack of oxygen. It was almost though I was suddenly
athmatic. That really sucks.

On top of that, my stomach has been hurting. It could have
been from when we ran out of groceries a week and a half
ago. We went a week with nothing to eat really. I would
scrounge something up, but usually just ate fruit at work
to keep my blood sugar up. It plummeted one day and I
started shaking really bad in the booth and became very
faint. I kept the AC in there cranked at 60 to keep me
awake till my lunch break. But lately my stomach fills
with acid, and it feels as though I'm being continuously
punched in the gut. Sleeping has been difficult lately,
with that sudden pains, and from working a double and
working 6 days straight. I constantly think I'm at work
when I dose off, so I wake up in fear because you can get
stressed out if your line is backed up. It's the fear of
sleeping on the job, even though it's never happened.

Last night, I thought about it as I was grubbing on bread
at 1 in the morning. My stomach just wouldn't stop
hurting, so I kept eating break and took 2 tums until the
pain finally subsided. I was thinking, what if my lack of
eating has caused damage to Gabriel? I mean, we were
waiting to get some money, and I had my WIC appointment,
and it was just difficult to shop when one of us was at
work with the car. I haven't felt a kick, a butterfly,
nothing. Just pain. It almost makes you double over and
cry. I'm sure our lack of food was strictly hurting me
more than the baby since the baby has constant nutrients
coming in from whatever the hell I can take in that day,
or even if I eat the same thing all day at least I'm
taking my prenatals so he can have some essential
nutrients in him.

I went to WIC, and they told me that I'm anemic, I could
have told them that. I figured that was why I was always
so tired. They also told me that I should be taking in
(obviously more iron) more calcium and more fiber. Other
than that, I'm doing great with everything else. But
before my husband knew we had WIC checks, he went and
spent $220 on groceries. Now we are stocked up for a
while.

Our finances look to be a little better. Tom got a second
job (finally) so he will be working about 45 a week over
at Goodyear Tires for $9 an hour and work about 15 a week
over at Office Depot. He figures that both jobs will pay
$9, so he might as well keep both. I will also get a
dollar pay raise. Everyone will get a raise. All the ones
that have been here forever get a 50 cent raise, but the
minimum pay will be $8 an hour, effective next week or so.
So in 2 weeks, it should show up. With my working 35 a
week on $8 an hour, at least it is a little more worth
sitting in that little booth. Yes, there is air
conditioning and fans, but it doesn't do too much good. I
still get hot with all the heat coming from each
individual car.

We haven't hit where we want to be in finances, or at
least I don't think we will, but at least things will get
a bit easier. Especially now that we have WIC as well.
That will save us some money on groceries. It could save
us about $40 a week, which that in itself helps out a bit.

My next doctors appointment is on Tuesday, so I will voice
some concern over his way so I won't have to worry about
it. Maybe he can do another ultrasound to see if he is
kicking and I still can't feel it yet. He might as well
since I'll be going to Crestview instead of Bluewater. I
may not feel it till my 21st or 22nd week, but most people
feel it by the 18th or so. There is a chance I just can't
feel it yet since this will my my first FULL term
pregnancy and I kinda have no clue what to look for.

I just know I'm tired as hell. Doing that double kicked my
ass. I was there from 5:15-2pm, but then I was scrambling
with Mom to find gas, pick up my dad from the airport and
make it to my WIC appointment. Then I was at work again
from 5-10pm. I didn't sleep well those two night, I
finally was able to do so last night. I took a 2 hour nap
both yesterday afternoon and this afternoon. I'm still
tired. Tomorrow is my last day before I get 2 days off. I
use to be able to work a week straight, and 6 days is
killing me. But it's just because I'm still in the heat,
anemic, pregnant and working early in the morning. It's
hard to fall asleep early right now, and if I do it's hard
to sleep straight through. Between the frequent bathroom
wake-ups, the heartburn, the dreams of work, and the
stomach pains, it's been difficult to stay asleep for more
than an hour or two at a time, no matter what time I
happen to fall asleep.

I plan on sleeping in as long as I possibly can, which
won't be past 8am, I'm sure. Relaxing for a day! Then try
to get the bedroom cleaned up.




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