Completely Incomplete

Letting Go Is All I've Held Onto
2005-07-22 16:23:22 (UTC)

Dream One: Annie

The first dream. We were all in my grampa's backyard.
I was on the laptop, sitting by that old shed we used to
be forbidden to go into.
I was talking to Nik ... and he did something, and all the
sudden I was talking to Annie, his ex.
It was weird ... but I remember her putting up a display
picture over MSN messanger, and then she made a joke about
it. And I remember feeling stupid for not getting it.
Then out of no where Nik walked over to me. Saw who I was
talking to and got really angry with me.
Then Annie was there ... beside the shed. And Nik went and
sat down beside her, all pissed off and huffy.
She asked how him and I were doing ... and he said we were
on a break.
Mm ... then I walked over to the stand, where grandma
would always stand when she hung the laundry.
Brennan was sitting there and I sat down beside him,
really upset with Nik for being so harsh.
I remember wanting to get back at him ,.. and then
something came up about kissing Brennan ... Weird.

It still makes me sick to think of him and Annie ...
But I spent an hour awake, thinking of proper solutions,
so that I didn't burn with anger everytime I thought of
him. I had been having a good night ... on four advil ...
and before I went to sleep I dreamed about him holding me.
About being with him ...
Then I thought ... Even after a hundred talks and
reasurences from his own mouth...why should I even feel
this way? I don't understand ...
He's a boy. Not only that ... he's a TEENAGE boy.
Seventeen ... Hormons raging ...
Of course he's going to think about other girls! All guys
do ... every guy I've ever met ... save for one [Kade,
you're an odd one, but I love you anyways :)]
Of course he thinks about other girls. After mindless
confiding in Scottuaw (...dont ask ...)
He told me about the male race. He said ALL guys at one
point think of someone else. And they can picture
themselves with them ...
But that doesn't mean they don't love you.
Huh ...
I wouldn't know. I've never thought about ... oh shit.
Okay I guess we're even then.
I know all of this, I understand about it all .. now ...
but ... why does her name still make me blah? ._.

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