Rico

My Gay Misadventures
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2005-07-21 06:01:21 (UTC)

2:22

Today hit me like ball of bricks. (wtf, ball of bricks?)--
Anyway, I did a lil bit of thinking and whole lot of moveing...


prelude: Last night I chatted with John. It was casuel at
first, but it wasnt long before it sunk into a deep
conversation about Who I was. I told things to him I havent
even conjured up in my head first. But it was all true.
Basicly, me admiting Im a loser--After spelling out my soul,
I Jacked off and went to bed...

...The next morning: I woke up around 1:50pm. I was dreaming
again. The dream itself was another hard to explain nonsense
dream, but i fancied in watching it.

2:15pm- Scarlet pounces open my door, wakein me up from my
stupor. I sit up and haze there, tryin to convince myself to
wake up.

2:22pm- Out of the blue, all my questions were answered in a
sudden random thought. Im Afraid to Fail. Its why i never
try. If i quit, or never begin, i can never fail. Thats what
my problem was. Thats whats wrong with me.

2:23-2:29pm- I coach myself. And Belive it. "I wont fail. I
can never fail. Im Not like everyone else. Im better" ect.

2:30pm- I pick up the phone, and call The Bar I applied for.
No answer.


I shower and get dressed. turn on some music. And look for
bus schedules. I went off to apply at Black Eyes Peas again.
I finished the application there, and gave it to the
manager. Seeing how id already had an interview there, he
said he'd look over his previous notes, and i left it at
that. The weather was thick. light drizzle.

I got home and called the Bar again...No answer. I keep
calling till the manager finaly answers. He tells me he wont
be callin people for another week...

But its ok. 2morrow is another day. And for once in awile, I
feel like myself again.


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