Laydmiya160

Two halves make a whole
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2005-07-18 20:12:37 (UTC)

i dont know no more

Lately all I can keep seeing is they day of my moms burial
when i hugged her and i hear the lady at the church saying
everyone please come get your final view of the body thats
some fucked up shit to hear esp. when that final view is
the one of your moms body think about that and let me know
what you would do or say cuz i dont kno? Lately I
havent been able to think straight I dont
remember my thoughts and nothing is clear to me anymore. I
just dont know anything anymore. I can sit and think about
everything in the world but by time im finish thinking
nothing is clear to me its just all vague. I havent been
myself lately and i have been pushing every one away or i
have been pushing myself away from everyone. I have been
the one(s) that i love and those who love me but i havent
been doin these things intentionally. I dont know what to
do with my life anymore. I have so many sleep less nights.
I dont sleep anymore i just toss and turn toss and turn. I
wake up every hour on the hour and im constantly waking up
crying and I feel all alone i just feel like im by myself
and i've lost everything that i've ever had. I feel like i
no longer have any feeligns and its just this big empty
space in my life. I feel like i having no meaning ,
purpose, nor place in life. I dont know what to do im
hurting so bad. Im stressed and im suffering from
depression i have 9/9 symptoms of depression and 3/10
symptoms of mania. I started taking my anti-depressants
again but they not helping and they not making things worse
because i dont think they can get any worse. but it seems
as if everytime things start going well for me then the bad
is not to far behind and worse follows that. I mean im
never going to get a break at the rate im going ill be dead
before i reach the age 21 which is so sad so say but if
things dont get better then im not gone know what to do. Im
@ work and im not trying to keep crying so ill continue
this lata


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