Charles Deason

My Blue Sky
2005-07-17 23:38:23 (UTC)

why not without?

I changed my sn recently and got rid of a lot of
pressure by doing so... I know, I've had it over like 5
years but time to move on to the next best thing I guess...
too many memories there and most of them fun turned into
painful ones I suppose... anyways I was just fixing up
things on my NEW sn!!! wooo!! lol
Not really in a happy mood now but I have a lot going
on so I need the energy. My car has come a long way now...
we can actually turn it over and it tries to start! Pretty
awesome huh? I'm going to invest more money into it and see
just how far I go from there you know. Recently saw the new
movie called charlie and the chocolate factory with robert
and jc the very day it came out! It was an awesome movie I
loved it.
My friend bryan is getting out of magic and now he's
selling all his cards. Its kind of sad but I already bought
a couple off him and I still need a few more to be done I
guess. Martha and I got into a spat last night and now I
have to try to make her happy again somehow... its no big
deal really. Its just that I wasn't getting too much
attention and she was talking to her friend more than me
and I got jealous of course.... I hate it when she talks
about her guy friends.
I guess I'm just the too overly jealous type... I
don't know. I completly fell in love with martha and
everything, so thats why. I don't want to lose her like...
well you know, last time. But last time I learned from
everything. I won't make the same mistakes ever again. I
still hate myself so much that I feel like I deserve every
cut and gash in my flesh. Its a lot to think about the past
so often... Thats why each day that passes I move forward,
not backward.
I still hope Martha gave up drinking and smoking... I
seriously don't want it in my life anymore... nothing is
worth that pain I went through because of it. I lost
everything from family to friends because of it... and I
would still give my life to end it all in the world because
of it... I hate it so much. There is nothing I can do
though sadly... of all the miracles the world holds, I'll
never have no such power to change how someone thinks or
lives. All I can do is pray like always and hope.
Faith brought me all the way this far, so I'm not
worried about anything. :) Oh...right... I got my diploma
in the mail... heheh, so now its written in time. All those
years of trying my best and stress... its all gone, I
accomplised my old dream and everything! No celebration of
course... I do still live by myself you know. Well thats
all for now. later