Loser In The Making
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2005-07-16 21:59:51 (UTC)


This morning i was lying in bed.. and i realized i had
never really put in here about things in my past..

I was born and raised in lynnwood washington sadly. i like
it here. but i would really like to live somewhere else. i
have three older brothers. 2 of which are half brothers.
and one of them i dont know. Ed is my half brother that i
know.. Tom is the brother i dont know and that doesnt want
to get to know me at all. Zach is my brother. he's an ass
hole sometimes. but at times hes really nice and he listens
to me when im down. i used to live in a pretty nice house.
and i grew up in a nice neighborhood. besides the fact that
there was practically ALL boys int he neighborhood. so i
was a tomboy so i could at least fit in. but they all took
advantage of me wanting to hangout with me brother.. and
well. if youre smart you can figure out what happend. for
the first few years of my life that i can remember....
there were these people that lived in this house across the
street. well i threw a rock at one of their kids because
they were pissing me off.. and cracked the skull open..
that they moved.. and fred and marian moved in. i wish they
never did. even though because they did i got my cat
Tigger.. i dont like fred. he malested me countless
times... and to this day no adults know about it.. and i
dont want to tell them. not a lot of people liked me when i
was little. my neihbors that lived right next to me.. they
hated me. and then when they moved and we got new
neighbors.. they hated me even more. so i just stuck with
hanging out with my brother and his friends.. and became
more and more like a tom boy. well anyways. Tigger. our
second animal. first was a bunny. but i wanted a cat so my
mom let us get a cat. and we got Tigger. he was the bestest
cat ever. and i still miss him to this day. but we had to
put him to sleep because his tail got ran over by a car and
he woulda suffered his entire life.. so we decided to put
him to sleep. it was the sadest time in my life. because
Tigger was my cat. my baby. he slept with me every night.
and when i slept in my brothers room he would go in there
and sleep on the floor. he would walk down to the bus stop
with me everymorning. and he'd be waiting everyday after
school on the porch for us. he was the best cat ever
because when i would be upset.. or my parents would be
screaming at eachother and throwing things at eachother..
Tigger would always be there and i'd just cuddle up with
him and fall asleep.. and he would leave me till i woke up.
then a few months after Tigger got put to sleep.. we got
shadow. the fucking devil cast. i have a scar in my EYE
from him. its a lil dot.. but its from him. he never slept
with me.. only when my parents were very close to getting a
devorse and dale was sleeping in the trailor and we slept
out there on mondays.. then Shadow would sleep with me
because i dont move as much as my brother does in his
sleep. but when we moved into our apartment.. we gave
shadow to our neighbors because we didnt want to have to
pay to have a cat. we can hardly pay for US.

my parents got a devorce because me and my brother pushed
it. dale wouldnt devorce my mom. he didnt want to. so my
mom had to sue dale for a devorce. which cost a lot of
money! and dale to this day tries and says that hes the one
that devorced my mom when i know for a fact it was her who
devorced him because i was sitting next to my mom when she
was filling out the papers and shit. i like my mom MUCH
better than i like dale.. even though when i was younger
she'd beat me just as much as dale did.. heck she gave me
my first black eye in 5th grade.. she used to drag me by
my hair to lock me up in my room when my parents were still
together.. she picked me up by my hair and threw me down on
my bed, covered my mouth and nose.. and laid on me so i
couldnt breathe at all. while my brother just stood there
and watched.. but he's done his share... one year on
christmas eve.. i had my door closed... and i didnt want my
brother going into my room.. so i was standing in front of
it and he grabbed me and threw my down and i hit tony's
ball (tonys our hampster that died this year in
september... R.I.P. Tony) and broke it open... and i picked
tony up and threw him.. and my mom was just yelling at me
and asking my brother if tony was okay.. SHE DIDNT EVEN
CARE ABOUT ME! gr. but of corse she's told me she wants to
give me up to the government.. if she didnt want me i dont
get why she didnt just give custody to dale.. of corse if
she did id probably would have killed myself by now..
because dale lives in marysville.. and thats hella far from
my friends and thats in hickville..

i dont talk to dale any more at all inless he calls..
because IM the only person who answers the phone.. and the
door. its soo annoying.. ill be like the person that is the
farthest away from the phone or the door but yet i still
have to answer them. anyways. why i dont talk to dale is
because he has called me a whore.. slut.. discraceful. and
all this other shit. and i just hate him. i have NEVER ran
away from home before.. but i ran away from "home" as in
his home.. twice now. i fucking hate him and he needs to
burn in hell. he is a fucking jackass. i have memories of
him beating my mom and shit. and like. one time my mom and
him got in a fight before she went to work.. and dale didnt
want her coming in at all.. so he put a board infront of
the foor so she couldnt open the front door and he locked
all the other doors so she couldnt get in. then when my mom
came home she started bangin on the front door (i was
sleepin in my brothers room because we were gonna take the
board down when dale went to bed but he never did go to bed
so we couldnt) dale called the cops on my mom saying that
she's his girlfriend and that she hasnt been living there
for three months. and i just looked at my brother and said
that was a lie. and that i hated him. and when the cops
came they wanted dale to go outside but he wouldnt.. he was
just talking to them through the spare bedroom window.. but
the cops talked him into unlocking the door. so he did.
dale is such a bastard. he needs to burn in hell swear!!

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