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Why I like Tiger Woods
so i'm watching the open on the most beautiful golf course
in the world and i am listening to people booing the hell
out of tiger and at the same time heralding fellow scotsman
"monti". for a while i really didn't like tiger woods in
golf. he always destroyed the competition. before he came
it was basically like nascard, 4 or 5 dumpy white guys
taking turns winning, sure it wasn't a stand-out sport but
it was damn interesting in a way that only golf enthusiasts
(and i suppose for nascar...rednecks) can really grasp.
then tiger came and just ate up the competition, winning a
major by freakin' 12 strokes in 97? jesus! and for a while
i resented his big teeth and just plain damn awesomeness.
yes, yes, i know you're thinking, 'RACIST!' but it just
simply isn't that. it's not i like any other golfers, i
couldn't name a favorite golfer if you had a gun to my head,
i just enjoyed the competition. i really didn't give a fuck
who won, as long as on sunday it was worth watching.
anyhow, for a while i really disliked tiger until this year,
when he won (i forget which one now) that major. i remember
everyone was all over phil mickelson's man breasts when he
won the year before, mainly because he was so damn pathetic.
but when tiger won people were like, "well about the fuck
time." what's more is that everyone got on his case, saying
that the reason he had slacked was cos he got married and all.
but i watched that open (and now this one) and have realized
something about tiger which only holds true for him and a
few other greats interspersed through sports. he wanted to
fucking win. now i know you're thinking, well shit 90% of
the assholes in major sports WANT to win. but you see
that's not the ticket. the ticket is that he beats himself
up (tim duncan style, for more on him see the nba finals
journal entry) when he knows he's fucking up. you see the
look on his face and you just have to shift in your seat,
cos you just know hell is going through his mind. he
doesn't just want it, he kicks himself in the nuts when he
fucks up, he wants it so badly that he is focused beyond
hell, look at phil mickelson when he won his major. he
didn't have it on lock and he was prancing aroudn the god
damn golf course with a grin on his face like he had just
crushed 2 margaritas. as my friend greg put it so
eloquently "that pissed me off", why? because you could
tell that that grin would come out if he had blown it to
ernie else in a playoff instead of sinking his putt and then
causing a 3.4 scale earthquake with his stupid leap.
tiger lubes people up and rapes them for the last 18 holes
on sunday. he's not out there with a shit-eating grin
butt-fucking around and that is precisely why it is never a
everybody's nuts get so sweaty they're busy changing their
shorts every hole. and in no other sport is intimidation
more real than golf. it is such a mental game that when you
see the guy in front of you striding like a man with 10 lb
balls up to a drive he just crushed 3,000 yards, you start
to thinking that you're kidna fucked. then he drills in an
eagle chip shot and you nail an old lady in the stand right
in the temple with your sand shot, and you just know that
you are fucked.
so tiger, i already know you are gonna crush anyone in
contention tomorrow, i would go so far to say that jose
marie, whatever the fuck his last name is, will be sucking
on his momma's titties by the 4th hole and you'll have to
step over colin montgomeries scotch soaked body to cross the
famous bridge to your next major win.
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