lukeryu

Mental Screamings
2005-07-16 07:05:12 (UTC)

Paint It Black, Cuz Republicans Will Jail You for Pink

I just did what probably will be the geekiest thing I do all
summer (besides the addiction to World of Warcraft I will
form when I purchase it this weekend...). I stood in line
to get the Harry Potter book at midnight. Yes, I know that
thousands of kids (and their parents) all over the world are
doing it this evening, but there is a twist on my story. I
did it in a grocery store, with the rest of the socially
inept of this fair city. On the up side, I saved $10, didnt
get seen by anybody who knows me, got out of there a hell of
a lot quicker than anybody in Barnes and Noble, and avoided
all of the REALLY geeky kids dressed up with ugly ass
glasses in ugly ass capes with horribly ugly ass lightning
bolts smeared onto their cracked and pimply ugly ass faces.

Now that I've told you of my night of geek, I shall spoil
the end of the book for you all. Why do I know what the end
of the book is? Because:
a) The grocery store was in Russia (in soviet russia, harry
potter book read you)
b) I had J. K. Rowling tell me the storyline at gunpoint.
c) I used my patented "Instaread" technique
d) I read the first and last pages and extrapolated from there
So anyways, it starts with harry in his uncle's house, and
then he goes to school and they chronicle his school woes,
and he continues to not get any, and he learns that the
reason that Voldermort hates everyone is that kids made fun
of him for wetting the bed when he went to Hogwarts. Then
some more suspicious stuff happens, and we learn that the
reason Dumbledore was gone for the whole novel is because he
was spending time with his illegitimate son that he had with
the Queen of England (why do you think the novel is named
"The Half-Blood Prince"....eeewww....old people sex). In
the end Voldermort is all like "Hahaha I'm so evil" and
Harry is all emo and Ron is curled up in the fetal position
wetting himself and Hermione fends off off all of hell while
making out with her lesbian lover (something which will
upset every Republican Senator and Hilary Clinton (despite
her being a lesbian herself) and Joe Lieberman so they will
propose an act to ban the book) and in the
end.....Voldermort gets beat (temporarily) and runs away
like a prepubecent girl and everybody goes "yay!". So
everybody goes home and Harry cries like a little girl
because he has to deal with his uncle for another summer.
The End. Just saved you $30

I'm in a tough spot. I am pretty liberal, but Hilary
Clinton has just made my "Famous or important People I would
like to send to an island where they would stay for all
eternity because killing is immoral" list (along with Bush
and his former and current cabinet, except for Powell,
Leonardo DiCaprio, and Bill Gates) so if she gets nominated
to be president, I will be beside myself to vote for her or
not. Now understand, I'm not saying this because she's a
woman, I'm saying this because she is a bitch. I hope she
isnt nominated so I am put in this position.

Another week of just me and Poops McGee. Anyone wanna come
and entertain me???

G'night




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