FloydianSlip

Going Postal
2005-07-16 03:53:41 (UTC)

The internet is a dangerous wasteland

Corey told me the other night that he set up a meeting with
a 27 year old who lives in his area for anonymous sex. I
asked Corey how long they had known each other and he said
they just met a few hours ago. I told Corey it was a very
bad idea...at best the guy probably has an STD or two that
he's willing to share with Corey and at worst the guy could
be a serial killer looking for victims...not to mention
everything in between. Corey told me that I read too many
books and that I'm way too paranoid.

Corey has a habit of telling me things that he knows are a
bad idea, but I don't know why he tells me these things. I
think he wants me to act as his conscience and tell him
over and over again that this is wrong or this is stupid
and that he shouldn't do them. Sometimes it works...and
sometimes it doesn't. This time it didn't.

He met up with the guy and apparently had a few drinks and
watched a little porn. The guy was going to let Corey
enter him, but Corey couldn't stay hard enough...probably a
mix of the meds he's taking and the booze. I guess Corey
gave him a little head and was going to let the other guy
enter him but he just started pounding away hard and
fast...and stuck it in there hard and deep instead of
slowly. Corey told him to stop because he didn't want to
do it anymore. The guy told him to "suck it up" and "be a
man" so Corey took it instead of really putting up a fight
though he didn't want it.

The guy had his way with Corey and then left. Corey texted
me the next day and said that he was never going to do that
again. I had school and work so I couldn't get back to him
until later that night, but when I found what happened out
I was mortified. I had been having an extremely bad
feeling all day and I couldn't figure out where it was
coming from. It didn't stop until Corey told me what
happened.

Having been a victim myself I know that there's nothing you
can say to make a person feel better...but I did manage to
convince him to hurt his pride and go tell the police. I'm
glad he doesn't feel victimized by the police as some
victims do. The worst thing you can do to a victim of any
type of sex abuse is make them feel like it was their
fault..."You shouldn't have been wearing such revealing
clothes...or making plans with a person you don't know off
the internet..." But I really don't care if the sex is
consentual or not...either way no means no and should be
respected at all times. Corey had the right to change his
mind if he wanted to...Corey should be the one to decide
what happens to his body and what doesn't happen to his
body.

He says that the police made perfectly clear that they
weren't judging him or his actions...they just wanted to
know what the facts were. He says he did everything they
asked and the that the police would get back with him in a
few days. I feel partially responsible though for not
nagging him more about how much of a bad idea it was. I
should have tried to scare the hell out of him to make him
think twice.

I'm rather proud of him. I know how hard it is to tell
someone let alone go to the police with it. That took a
lot of guts and I'm very proud. And I know he knows that
he did the right thing. ...But it's a long road of
recovery ahead.

I wonder what Jeremy would do to my rapist if he ever met
him in person. I can only imagine it's nothing that I
hadn't though of a million times before. Rape or repeated
rape should be a punishment that some (but not all)
prisoners are sentenced with, but the irony of that is is
that it would never pass because it would be cruel and
unusual punishment. I believe any type of sex abuse crime
is one of the most humiliating, degrading, and painful
things a person can go through in life...ever.

Jeremy and I got into a discussion again a few days ago
about his family. I still don't think he gets where I'm
truly coming from. Having been a rape victim and having my
boyfriend feel like he's been sexually mutilated...I don't
take too kindly to that. I don't really take too kindly to
the pain we've been through in our relationship over it
either. I don't like feeling like shit for days or even
weeks at a time because I can't please my boyfriend because
his parents had him circumcised and now he's damaged.

I do realize that when his parents made this decision their
intentions were never to harm him. That's totally
forgivable to me. They made a mistake...I'm willing to
forgive that and make the best of it. I can with his
father but not with his mother though. His father at least
gave a decent apology and has listened to what Jeremy has
to say though I'm sure he'd rather forget it and put it
behind him. No good parent like to know that a decision
that they made in good faith was a bad decision.

...His mother basically told Jeremy to get over it. You
wouldn't tell a rape victim to get over it and you should
NEVER tell a victim of sex abuse to get over it. That's
about the most insensitve cold hearted thing you can tell a
sex abuse victim. Your feelings don't matter...it could
have been a lot worse...at least you still have your
health...get over it.

Jeremy deserves a true apology for what he's been through.
His father is still good in my book because he has done two
things...he's always been civil to me and he made a decent
apology to Jeremy. Jeremy's mom has never been that civil
to me and did something that in my eyes is totally
unacceptable to the man I love.

...One day is more than long enough to wait for an
apology. 21 years and one day is an unaccpetable amount of
time especially with the amount of pain it's caused not
only him but me as well.

Even if she did turn around and make a heart felt apology
right this minute it still doesn't change the fact that
she's never been that civil to me, she's disrespected
Jeremy in the most awful of ways, and that get over it
thing is unaccpetable and I'm not sure I can ever forgive
that. You just don't tell a sex abuse victim to get over
it. I did not PREjudge his family...but I have judged them
on the things that they have done to me and Jeremy since I
have known them. Though if they would treat me civil and
like a human being (Jeremy as well) they would see a change
in the way I respond to them.

So if I seem a bit snippy I'm sorry but I think I have
every right to be and I wish it weren't so. If Jeremy's
mom had only made a decent apology...I could forgive
everything and start with a clean page, but I can't.
Asking me to be friends and family with her at this point
is like asking Jeremy to be buddy buddy with my rapist.




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