Ramblings of a Mom
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2005-07-15 11:44:32 (UTC)

Dudley Can't Do Right

It all started with me telling him that his dog had been in
a mood and was growling at every body and every thing. Of
course, according to him, his dog can do no wrong. I'm not
saying that his dog is a bad dog, but we are starting to
have issues with him.
While we were on vacation, he went after the guy that was
taking care of him for us. Then he reacted badly to our
neighbor when he tried to help. Then, I watched in horror
as he went to attack a guy on a bike leaving from our
neighbor's house, not once, but twice. Then a couple of
days ago, he started growling at both of our boys, me, just
about anybody or anything that came near him. Husband is
just, but it's my dog. Yes, I know it's his dog, but maybe
he just misses him, I don't rightly know.
Anyway, this moves into how I apparently call him too much
now. Alrighty then, you don't call me at night anymore,
but I'm not supposed to call you during the day either.
The other night I called him, because he had not called me,
and he seemed weird, not quite right, and then he called me
the next morning to ask me something, and he basically
misunderstood something in our conversation. Makes me
think that he was drinking/drunk the night before. The
other day, okay, I called a few times, but shit, I never
know if he's going to call me at night either! Yesterday,
I called a few times, I needed his guidance on the car (the
engine light is on again for the 5th or 6th time in just
over a month), and then I had to call him to ask him how
much he debited from our account for expenses. My oldest
son had split open his chin on the edge of the swimming
pool, and I had to take him to the doctor to get checked
for stitches. And, due to sucky timing, and I had to take
the car to the dealership AGAIN, I would have to buy lunch
out for me and the boys. By the time he gets around to
calling me back, I've debited my personal (child support)
account down to less than $2, and used the next to last $20
out of my cashed savings bonds, and he's giving me grief
while I am sitting in the suture room at the doctor's
office. Turns out, no stitches, just medical super glue
(Dermabond). Still kinda scary.
He goes on to tell me that he doesn't need to know anything
beyond the basic from me, that the rest is just 'extra shit
I could care less about'. Okay, fine. I'm not to call you
unless it's an emergency, and when I do talk to you, don't
tell you anything unless I feel it's something you have to
know about, so what's the point of talking? What kind of
relationship is that? Do you not realize that I am dealing
with a 7 year old (who's an absolute little shit right now)
and an 18 month old (who refuses to talk) all day and all
night long? I don't have buddies to chat it up with all
day. The only adult interaction I have right now is him.
And now he wants to pull that away too. This is not going
This moves into Tyler and his progress (or lack thereof) in
swimming lessons. I tell him that the second day of
swimming lessons, he was kicked out (for the day) because
he wasn't participating properly or paying attention.
Also, we got his little midway progress report yesterday
and the teacher says that he needs to retake this class to
pass. So, I come home, and get him scheduled for the same
level for next session. He's telling me not to enroll him
for next session, just let it go. That so far as he is
concerned, next summer he shouldn't have much of anything
to participate in. He's not appreciative nor is he
learning or getting anything out of this, so why bother
scheduling it for him. That next summer I should schedule
one outing a week, and tell him what it is at the beginning
of the week and tell him that he has to behave to get it on
Friday or whatever. By putting me in this situation, does
he not realize that he is making my summer with the boys a
living hell? Oh, but I am just supposed to handle it.
He's saying that he is not going to be paying for all of
these activities when he is far from grateful and can not
behave in them. I'm sorry, but YOU didn't pay for them, I
did. He tells me that doesn't matter what's his is mine
and what's mine is his. Okay, that may be true, but this
came out of child support, so I disagree. Yes, I
contribute child support to the household expenses and such
forth, but this money was spent directly on Tyler, so I
don't feel he has much of a say on it.
His other issue is that I am too booked, that I am running
too much with these activities. Okay, let's look at why I
have been running ragged lately. I had a death in the
family, had family stuff to tend to. I run the normal
errands, the car keeps showing an engine light, gotta keep
taking it in (oh, but I'm not allowed to use that one as an
excuse), the swimming lessons are all of 30-40 minutes a
day, I left town last weekend to be with him, and have I
mentioned lately that it has not been a bed of roses since
he's been gone? This week alone, Sunday - returned from
seeing him, Monday - swimming lessons, HEB, and Sam's Club,
Tuesday - swimming lessons, lunch with my mother, and took
little one to the doctor (turns out he had ear infections
in both ears, both eyes were infected, and he had a cold),
Wednesday - swimming lessons (Tyler gets booted from
class), I end up spanking him for his smart alec mouth,
Thursday - swimming lessons, car to the dealership (again),
lunch, Tyler to the doctor for his chin, and then there's
today, Friday - take the car to the dealership, get a
rental, come home to clean the whole house before he comes
home. Oh, and I need to pick up my prescriptions, go to
the store for what he needs, etc.
Tyler's father called yesterday, he's only taking him for a
couple of hours on Saturday afternoon/evening. I just
can't catch a break. Last night's conversation had/has me
so upset, I basically cried myself to sleep. And then the
dog got me up at 4:14 am to go outside (I thought to go
pee, and of course, she didn't). I tried for 30 minutes to
go back to sleep, and couldn't. Started crying again, and
figured I may as well get up. It's now 2 hours later, and
I don't know where to go from here.
I am also upset that I feel that he is treating me rather
crappy right now. He was all about being together for us
and the kids last weekend, but he's coming home this
weekend with a big ole chip on his shoulder. When I said
something about his not calling, he tells me he's been
tired. I tell him, I know, you've been working some long
hours out there. He tells me, no, we haven't. Oh, okay,
so he's too tired to call home, but it's not because he's
actually been working hard. Then he fesses up that his
going out buddy that he works with came out and he didn't
get home until after 9 the other night, and he figured I'd
already be in bed by then. Yeah, I wish. So, you lie
about being tired, but you went out with your buddy. Gee,
thanks. Then I have to wonder, how many hours has he put
in, and with him not working Saturday (last I heard), how
small a check I can expect to come later.
I wonder, where did that caring and compassionate man go
that was there last weekend? If he is going to be a jerk
with me, I'd just as soon he not come home for the
weekend. He says I must be getting ready to start perma-
drip, because I am being bitchy. How do you expect me to
respond when I have been through the emotional and physical
ringer this past week, and you are calling to say that
yeah, you best work on the house, because you know I'll
bitch about it, you run around too much, schedule too much
for the older one, so plan on being home next summer and
only going out for 1 day a week. Did you ever think that
maybe I ran so much so I didn't have to be at home with
him? That I scheduled these things for him because I
needed the breather? I hate to say this, but I don't like
my son when he is off of his AD/HD meds. I am, of course,
assuming that is what it is, what do I know, I have not
raised a 7 year old before. He's combative, rude, plays
cannon ball in our hallway, drags and dumps stuff every
where, and then doesn't feel like he has to pick it up
himself, is rough and/or rude with his little brother, and
doesn't do ANYTHING I tell him to do. He's demanding and
rotten. When he doesn't get his way, he's an absolute
little turd. I feel like I should defend him, but I don't
know how. Is it his AD/HD? Is it that he's spoiled? That
I don't control him well enough? What could it be?
I don't know, but I do know this. If he plays king of the
world and says that I have to stay home next summer with
him with no activities but one outing a week, he doesn't
know bitchy yet.
But, as I said earlier, I've got a lot to do (or at least
try to do) before he gets home today, and I am just not
looking forward to his arrival as of right now. I'd rather
climb into a hole and cry and not deal with anything or
anybody right now. But, I don't get that luxury, so off I
go to try to do right.

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