kiddo16

NaivetY & ChildhooD LefT BehinD
2005-07-15 08:44:39 (UTC)

CoWaRdLy FaCiNg rEaLiTy

I'm so upset. So dissapointed in myself. I guess it all
started with me. Well, for a certain fact, I knew of
people who have great brothers.
When I got 2 brothers, I got people coming to me and say
that I am terribly lucky to have got 2 brothers. It's like
even though I've got them, it's like nothing has happen.
It's like I am never close to them. It's like I never knew
what they like. I don't even know who are their friends. I
don't even know why sometimes they act like that.
I tried hard to make myself into a good younger sister
once upon a time. But too bad, it fails. Or issit, it
never happen, as people couldn't see it.
I heard of stories of my friends having brothers that they
really care about. What about me? Do I care about them? Or
am I just so self-centered? Never wanna think of other
people.
One thing I'm so sure about is I don't even know whether I
will feel a sense of loss if one day they are no longer on
this earth. I guess I always take things for granted. I
guess I will only of this feeling when the time comes.
But very deep in my heart, I really wish that one day, God
will take me first before my dad, my mum, my brothers and
my sister.
I hate the feeling of needing to be sad. I mean for now, I
don't even know whether I will be sad if ever they are
gone. I'm really scared that I don't feel anything. That
makes me crazy and so unfeeling.
Ok, I know I always want to run away from reality. But
face it, I'm not that brave and courageous to face reality.




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