lnatz

hate is such a harsh word
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2005-07-15 03:30:30 (UTC)

realizing the truth

it is funny how i spend so much thinking but not realizing
enough. i finally took the time to realize that i do put
efffort into this friendship. as a matter of fact i put
more effort then they do. i am the one that stays in
brooklyn and fights all my desires to be in the city that
i love and do the things i love just because my friends
are here. i am the one that stays and tries to be happy in
an environment that i dont like. its not that i dont like
my friends, i do. i realized that the reason i stay is
that even though we are different (very different)i know
that in the end they would still support me, help me, and
love me. in all honesty, i found myself walking down the
street at night and wishing upon the first star i see. i
wish for true and utter happiness. finally, i am. i am
happy. i found happiness. in the past few months i stopped
burdening myself with the things that make me sad. i found
myself listening to upbeat good music (still rock). i was
happy. i wasnt listening to music that made me feel like i
want to tare at my insides. I'm happy...finally. Also, i
believe i found a career that i want to pursue. i thought
i would accept the inevitable and work at my fathher's
accounting firm, but obviously it didn't make me happy. i
realized i want to purse a career in medicine and help
people. its not about the money, but that i actually want
to help people. i feel like i fit there. In the past few
months i realized a lot of things. people always tell me
that i am too young ad that i dont understand. or they
say "how could you have experienced that, your so young".
i realized that people experience things at all ages. you
have the same experiences at 16 as at 27. the difference
is that you just dont realize it. at 16 your too busy
having fun or blaming others that you dont take the time
to understand anything. Anyone reading this would not
understand what i am getting at. i keep writing about
completly different things. but its not for you to get.
its for me to experience what i am thinking for myself.


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