NotSoSadSadie

The Laughter Inside My Mind
2005-07-14 20:57:52 (UTC)

D-I-V-O-R-C-E-D

Well today went without a hitch,i didn't sleep for crap
last night,don't know why i was worried....almost passed
out waiting for court to start,i think i was nervous about
seeing mike and then again i didn't want to see him,well he
never showed up;which was a good thing because he was
awarded NOTHING,not even the things he asked for,and he
also has to pay half of the back rent(plus late fees)and
the water bill..so he messed up by not coming,i think he
requested all those things just to get me riled up(which at
first it did)so i once again let him have control of my
feelings...fucking bastard...why do i give him that
control? well no more..the divorce is FINAL...and i kept
his last name,because that's my final killing..he didn't
want me to keep it...TOUGH...i'm elated that i'm done with
him,yet saddened at the same time...i did love him,and you
can't JUST fall out of love with someone..can you?...i
should be happier than i am feeling now,but saddness always
seems to overwhelm me..maybe i need different depression
meds,who knows,maybe my paranoia will go away about mike
now...i just hope he leaves me alone and doesnt drive past
the house anymore..that was driving me nuts...too afraid to
even check the mail thinking he'd see me...it's his
fault...HE messed up by having the affair,but that's just
the brunt of it,he did so many emotional things it's better
i seen it now instead of wasting more tiime in a loveless
marriage,can't make a person love something and he will
never be happy...oh well....will there EVER be happiness in
my life or will i continue to float and wonder what's out
there for me,shall i stop looking and just let it come find
me? i can't stand being so confused...my head hurts..my
body hurts,i just want to rest....why do i have these
boggled thoughts...i try to write things down,but sometimes
i dont know where to begin because it's all jumbled..my arm
is getting tingly right now,so i'm going to end
this...tomorrows another day,hopefully brighter than
today...

With much Love,
Sadie




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